just a sub

I'm just a sub.

That's what I keep telling the kiddo I work with because she has high hopes I'll be her one on one ed tech next year.
In a few short days my job will be over, because I'm just a sub, and someone else will have the possibility to grab it and go.
BUT because I don't want to just be a sub I applied for the position.
I want this job! I need this job. To have some stability would be an amazing thing at this point in my life, in my son's life.
I submitted my resume, application and three great letters of recommendations.

Then I waited. And waited. I even waited some more and started to lose hope so I applied to other places for anything, anywhere I could submit my resume to.

Today, while at work I received a message to call the superintendent's office. I have an interview scheduled for next week!!

An interview!

I'm crawling out of my own skin. To sub I did not have to interview, it was a strange process but whatever.
I have to interview on Monday. I'm horrible at first impressions! Give me a few days and I can schmooze my way into your heart but there is no way in hell I can bat my eyelashes and make you my bitch in less than an hour!

Seriously.

I need to capture these people. This is super important because I'm up against people who have more qualifications than I do but I've been subbing for this position. Ya follow?

So... help me out. Give me all your hints, tips, tricks, advice! I want this so bad I can taste it.

...and it tastes so sweet.

what beautiful eyes you have

Dear Members of the Male Species:*
Sunglasses are important, often vital when it comes to protecting our precious eyes.
Other times sunglasses are merely just a fashion statement.
When the time comes to purchase these spectacles it is best to know which size and shape would best fit the size and shape of your head.

So let me help, here's a quick run down for you:**

oval face: almost any style work for an oval face. Experiment with the latest looks, such as wraparounds or shields. Square shaped frames with gently rounded edges and higher temples look good on an oval face.
frame suggestions: any frame shape

round face: frames should make the face appear longer and thinner. In general, look for frames equal to or slightly wider than the broadest part of the face. Minimize the curves and add definition with soft, angular, rectangular style or double brow styles. Higher temples will create a longer profile. Sunglasses with brow bars also pull the eye upward, making the face appear longer.
frame suggestions: wider frames with angular/rectangular styles

diamond shape: this face shape has wide or high cheek bones with a narrow forehead and chin. Oval sunglasses will soften the contour of the face, although softly curved square frames will work as well. Make sure the styles are no wider than the top of the cheekbones.
frame suggestions: oval, square, rimless

square face: this face shape consists of a strong jawline, a broad forehead and wide cheekbones. Reduce the angles with soft, curvy styles that will give the face some definitions such as cat-eye styles. The classic ovals also work well for this face shape.
frame suggestions: oval, round, cat eyes

oblong face: widen and shorten the face with sun glass styles that do not extend beyond the widest part of the face. Round or square shapes will look great on this face. Frames with short horizontal and long vertical lines also work. Decorative or contrasting temple add width to the face.
frame suggestions: round, square

triangle shape: this face has a narrow jaw and a wide forehead. Soften the lower portion of the face by accenting the eye area. Styles such as cat-eyes should angle outward at the top corner and be wide enough to balance the jawline. You can also try the metal frames with rimless bottoms.
frame suggestions: frames with a straight top line, cat eyes

When you do decide to shop for these, please make sure you bring a member of the female species to help offer you a lot little guidance. Remember, if she's not the one looking at you, the rest of the world is.

Oh... and one last thing.
Color.
That's very important too.
Never wear white sunglasses. Everything about it is wrong.

Unless of course, you're...

{photo}

Nope. Still looks horrid!

(some members of the female species could benefit from this)*
**source**

welcome... would you like a sticker?

Dear Retail Slave,

I know you love your job. Really, I do.

You see; I have been on your side of the counter. I know how it feels to hit that alarm clock 8,675,309 times in the morning before you finally decide to drag your ass out of that warm, comfortable bed you nestled yourself into the night before. I get that.

I know how much you love to stand there all day and listen to people tell you about their problems all within the short amount of time it takes for you to scan their purchases and take their money.

I know that your boss is a bitch, asshole or whatever other name you have come up with for him/her. Really, I get that. I'm pretty good at coming up with names for people myself when my cage has been rattled enough.

I'm aware that the co-worker three registers down from you is fucking the manager and you're pissed, because last week he told you he was divorcing his wife. Oh, let's not forget... your co-worker is not his wife.

I know your break was supposed to be half an hour ago. Your eyes are yellow.

Oh, it's your day off and you're working? It is 2009, screen your calls and stop bitching!

I know your back, legs and feet hurt.
Yes, those mats you stand on "for support" are a joke. I stood on those bastards the entire 11 months of my pregnancy. Those mats could not support me or the extra 85 pounds my body decided to consume. At the end of the day my legs were like small tree trunks; it was mortifying.

Those lights? Well slave, you're there to work and not worry about picking up a future love interest.

That muzak is enough to drive anybody crazy. We all know this. But it does make people spend money.

I also know that standing there all day having customer after customer come AT you can be overwhelming. I mean we're talking sensory overload here. I get that.

I know that, sometimes, falling asleep at night the only thing you hear is... beep...beep...blip...blip...beeeep.
You see numbers, customers and money.
All. Fuckin'. Night.

It is especially a bitch to handle more money in a day than you'll make all month.


But... you need to know this:

You need to not be a bitch.


And here is why....

I go into your retail hell with my list
I put my items from said list into the annoying squeaky cart
I then put said items onto your magic belt
You have to stand there... make your register go beep and blip.
I'm not going to bitch about my personal life because I have a shrink for that. (thanks though)
I give you my money, (swipe my own card so I don't give you anything) and go home with my new item(s)

...but the end result no matter what

my money = your paycheck

So... play nice or I'm asking for a comment card.