bottoms up

I drink.

I never used to. At least not like I do now. Weekdays. Weekends.

Last weekend I drank and woke up not remembering a whole bunch of events from the night prior. I barely knew where I was.

Maybe you could say I have a problem, maybe you could say I don't because I've seen people who drink a hell of a lot more than I do, and DO a LOT worse than I do and/or have.
Excuses.

I know that if I don't do something, what-- I'm not sure- it is going to get worse. Way worse.
I have an addictive personality. I'll latch on to this and not let go. It WILL get worse and WILL get harder to kick.

I haven't had a drink since Saturday night. I want to really bad. I also want to dump every single drink I have in this house down the drain because what occurred Saturday night and Sunday morning put one hell of a scare in to me.

Like I said... I don't know who I am anymore.

I don't want the same people around me anymore. I don't want my job. I don't want to live in the same house. I want to start over somewhere; anywhere but here. I've already dropped out of school.

This whole thing is starting to scare me but at the same time, I'm not living in this world; someone else is.