count them

1. My middle name is the same as my Memere’s name
2. It makes me giggle when I get funny looks because I call my grandmother Memere. It’s French people!!
3. I have an older brother; by almost 6 years
4. We don’t have a relationship
5. I wish we did
6. My boyfriend is a career firefighter
7. I’m very proud of him
8. I live up the street from the fire station
9. I get very nervous when I hear the sirens and see them pulling out of the road
10. I get upset when people do not pull over for emergency vehicles
11. I’m a single mom
12. in college
13. I still have no idea what I want to do
14. I’m graduating soon
15. I’m nervous
16. I owe a lot of money
17. I’m scared
18. student loans are anxiously awaiting my payments
19. I was born smelling the Pacific Ocean
20. but grew up smelling the Atlantic Ocean
21. I want to go and put my feet in the Pacific Ocean
22. I don’t know if I ever did
23. I was a baby when we moved
24. my parents separated when I was 12
25. I moved in with my dad at 13
26. I have better childhood memories of my dad than my mom
27. I’m ok with that
28. I’ve had a “rough life”
29. Maybe that will change and turn around once I hit the “dirty 30”
30. I’m scared to death to turn 30
31. that is happening in less than 2 years; ok 1 year and 4 months
32. I’ve worn a diamond on my left ring finger before
33. but never engaged
34. he didn’t get down on one knee and ask
35. I helped pay for the ring
36. I hope my son never asks if his father and I were engaged
37. he knows we weren’t married
38. I wish I was a vegetarian
39. I don’t have the will power
40. All my teeth are sweet teeth
41. I don’t drink soda
42. it’s been 6 ½ years
43. I don’t miss it
44. but I miss the convenience of it
45. in 2002 I had gastric bypass surgery
46. that’s why I don’t drink soda
47. or eat a lot of red meat; if at all
48. it hurts my stomach
49. my body hasn’t been the same since
50. I have to take more drugs now than I did before
51. I’m an emotional mess
52. I love taking pictures
53. photography makes me happy
54. when a camera is in my hand I see the world around me differently
55. I’m hoping someday, somebody big, HUGE and important will see some of my photographs and decide to make me like them; big, HUGE and important
56. I love weddings
57. someday I’ll get to plan my own
58. or at least I hope
59. turning 30 in one year and four months has caused a new found biological clock
60. I had no idea it existed
61. it’s loud
62. it wakes me up at night
63. I never wanted to have just one child
64. my boy child was planned
65. nobody knew
66. not even his father
67. Oops he was not!
68. I hid the fertility predictor sticks in an empty shampoo bottle in the bathroom closet
69. I also flushed the birth control pills down the toilet
70. with no intentions of taking them
71. I’m not sorry
72. I use to color my hair so blonde it was almost white
73. now that I’m sorry for
74. When I see other people with that look I always say… “Who does that? Seriously?”
75. oh yea.. I did
76. I have a 36inch scar on my stomach
77. sometimes I am sorry for that
78. other days I’m not; especially when my jeans and shirts are fitting just right a flat stomach is nothing to be sorry for
79. my car was an impulse buy
80. I’m paying for it now
81. it is the biggest piece of shit!
82. Please Virginia tell me there really is a Santa
83. …and he’s bringing me a car
84. with a big red bow
85. boy child is asking Santa for a car for his Mommy
86. please do not disappoint
87. he’s too young
88. just about all my ex boyfriends have married the girl they dated after me
89. I can name almost all of them
90. it’s depressing
91. so I won’t
92. I’m the female version of Good Luck Chuck
93. I didn’t have marathon animal sex like Chuck did
94. but you can still call me “Good Luck Chick”
95. maybe my fireman will break my curse
96. my left hand is empty
97. I lied
98. a small tiny fake ass diamond occupies my middle finger
99. emerald and princess cuts are my favorite
100. 6.5 would be an appropriate size
101. in case you were wondering

secrets don't make friends

Dear Victoria,

My crazy mailman delivered your newest catalog today and I looked through it because it's like a bad car crash; you just cannot help it!! Really.

But... I have come to the conclusion that you suck!!

Real people do not look like those "people" you have in there. Where do you even find these girls?

My boobs... they will never be that round, perky, perfect, whatever... ever! (unless you're buying 'em for me) This body has gained and lost weight several times. I once lost about 150 pounds; you should see what happens to boobs then. Horrific!
I've also had a child. Do you even realize what pregnancy can do to a *real* person's breasts? Like woooah!!

Stretch marks? Where are they? Woman get them even if they don't have kids; men too without the kid stress. Hello people!! Skin stretches through childhood... hence the term we like to use-- streeeeetch marks. Learn it- live it!

Whoever has an ass like that- bless them! Again... pregnancy, weight gain/loss wrecks havoc on your body! *Real* people just don't look like that.


Today's mail delivery has me a little disturbed because it eventually becomes bathroom reading material for men. These men oogle over these perfect breasts, asses, thighs, and non bearing stretch mark bodies; along with many other unrealistic traits. We're going to get into bed with our men feeling like we're competing with... well, that. Ick. It's impossible. Seriously.

My body has come a long way from where it was; I'm a lot more confident now than I used to be but that does not mean there won't be a nagging voice inside my head.

So Victoria... granted you do have some ass'tastic skivvies! and some boob'licious bras! I know that spending $1million dollars on your fabric will not give me the boobs and ass that your "girls" have.

So Victoria... your secret is out!!
I'm going to Wal-Mart, at least those catalogs don't end up in my bathroom.

lights and sirens

Well hot shit! Lately I am the ultimate slacker and, well.. nothing! I'm over it. You should be too.

Jex and I had date night last night; which is very hard to come by considering our schedules with the kids and his work. I should add that he's a career firefighter for the town we live in; this is important info-- pay attention!
So last night we did it up! We enjoyed a yummilicious dinner out and then we went to a University hockey game. We had a flippin' blast! The University here takes our hockey VERY serious! All is said and done, night is over, go home (his house) and go to bed; Jex has to be at the fire station by 7am (he's always there early 6:30ish).

His alarm goes off... he gets up and starts to get ready but then... his pager goes off; as in his pager for the Fire Dept. Those high pitched tones followed by the dispatcher's voice can be bone chilling; you never know what you are about to hear.

*Attention Artic Tunder Fire Department: you're requested for mutual aid at "location" for a structure fire. (repeated) Attention Artic Tunder Fire Department: you're requested for mutual aid at "location" for a structure fire*

At that very moment life changes... everything around you stops.
What is it? Why? Where is he going? What's going to happen? Who?
While all these crazy thoughts are running through my mind this man is moving like nothing I have ever seen.
In a blink of an eye I get a quick kiss and an "I love you" and just like that, he's gone. *poof*

He's living his dream and deserves it more than anyone I know, yet my crazy thoughts are not stopping!

I want him to be safe, I want the people that he is about to come in contact with to be safe, I want it all to work out for the best; I too, am only human.

I have the same thoughts and feelings when I see and hear the lights and sirens on fellow fire trucks. I know what those firefighter's families have to listen to in the afternoon, at dinner, in the middle of the night and I'm sure they wonder the same thing. Our family dinners have been interuppted many times so he can go. I have been woken up in the middle of the night, out of a perfect sleep, because those tones went off. The end result of this all is the men's selflessness.

Just remember when you see and hear those lights and sirens... get the hell out of the way!!
It could be your family member that they're on their way to or take a glimpse at the time, think about their family for a brief second; did they get their kiss and "I love you" this morning?

one plus one = four

WoW! I can't believe I haven't blogged in... 5ish days or so. Eh who's counting?

I don't have a fan club, or one I know about yet anyways, to keep me on my toes asking for more mumble jumble so sadly I've been slacking in those thoughts.
I'm trying to get back on schedule with school, which is just not working! I think I'm having "senior meltdown" or I'm seriously distracted. Ok... both.

I've been spending a lot of time with Jex again. We seem to be working through some of our old "issues", communicating like we've never done and just "being". There are so many things that are different and so many that are the same; so far it's a nice happy medium which you don't see too often. Or at least I haven't; my track record has never been top knotch.

We've talked about spending time as an "us" before getting the kids together again, (at least as often as we used to) and being the 4 of us. I don't know how some families do it. I would gladly accept words of advice/wisdom from those out there that have combined their families.
What works? What doesn't?

Boy Child and Lil Miss are only 4ish months apart and being only children they are very head strong. All 4 of us are head strong stubbon individuals and when we're combined it is a very powerful dangerous situation!!

I'm being optimistic and keeping the faith!

so much for that

I suck! I didn't blog yesterday. Yep... I know. Shame shame...tsk tsk!

Oh well. I could give a million excuses, not literally a million but damn near close and they're all legit; seriously.

Sooo... NaBloPoMo you have been officially fluuuuuuuushed! I'll have to attempt it again some other time.

I was so consumed preparing for last nights party that blogging was not a priority. Sorry to disappoint.

On to happy news... the party was a hit! Big E was totally and complete surprised! Love, LOVED it. I made rockin' yummilicious food! Ordered a cake to side track him because the boob cake was to come later. I'll post pictures of "the cake" soon, I promise. It looked amazing!
Yesterday my laptop was tragically knocked off the kitchen table and is now out of commission. :-(
I'm pretty devastated; hopefully tomorrow I can have it repaired and make me computer happy again. Thankfully I can get my fix today at Jex's.

So NaBloPoMo I have to put you to rest... I'm so sorry; maybe we'll meet again. Until next time...

I thought but...

...apparently I was wrong.

I really thought my life was crazy, busy and the entertainment value was sometimes worth at least a bloggitty blog entry here and there but, man I guess maybe I was wrong!

I have been way busy with school; more so avoiding it than the actual doing. I'm planning a party for a friend's birthday tomorrow and this has been quite the ordeal! Burgers, dogs, kabobs, chips, dips, nachos, salsa, and I'm even making a cake! A boob cake!

You heard that right! Boob cake!

It's going to be a blast! A BBQ in the fall, a slice of boob and lots of laughs!

second chances

Second chances. Should they be given? Should they not?
What about those rare exceptions where a third chance comes in?
How does that go again... third time's the charm or something like that?

Are they really chances or could it be considered an attempt to make something stronger?

I'm really not looking for an answer because the approval rating is slim to none, and I'm aware of that. Thanks. Really.

More times than not... if something is broken you fix it; you don't throw it away.

At least you shouldn't.

sea of emotion

Today has just been a whirl wind day of emotions! I am incredibly exhausted and wish I could fancy up some crazy clever bloggitty blog but I must disappoint you; I just cannot do it.

Instead, I'm going to add to the whirl wind of emotions! Despite having a sissy ass cold totally and completely kick my ass, or the annoying pain in my right arm from todays flu shot, the pretty Bertha zit I now have (I'm going to name all zits Bertha from here on out) or the annoyances I'm facing with school, there are still some moments that make it all go away.

That is my child's love!

All you need is love!

the unbelievable happened

I’ve always seen and heard about those girls who are so surprised and happy that they shake immensely and then they talk about that funny feeling in their stomach after but I’ve never really believed it or thought it was possible. I guess maybe it’s because I’ve just never truly experienced it.

Well hold the phone!

My stomach is just a big pit of mush, I can barely type, and I’m shaking in my funky socks!

I loooooove funky socks!

I was actually at school today, trying to make some progress on the mass ass amounts (that is a LOT) of school work that I need to do. I mean I have a LOT! It really is inhumane the amount I have to get done. So I went to the student advisor’s office to show her something on a mid term exam that I totally bull shitted my way through.

{side note: sometimes it pays to have a sense of humor. Here’s proof!!}

(that's 2.0 points for not knowing the answer!)

So after showing her, she says, “my turn, there’s something on the desk for you”
I turn around and there sits…..

(sorry for the not-so-great picture and only showing part
because they really are beautiful!)


Me: “No way!”
Her: “Yes!”
Me: “Noooo!”
Her: “You get points for that AND you get flowers! Get out of here and enjoy them!”

{here’s when I giggle like a little girl, take my flowers and pretty much gallop away}

I go back to the table where I’ve been working, aka slacking off all day to read my card and it says…

“Thinking of you today.”
Love Jex


Now this might not sound like it is that big of a deal but it is HUGE to me. I love, love, love flowers; especially when they’re sent “just because”. I love daisies and the, not your average flower. I *generally* do not like roses but sometimes the odd and exotic colored ones amaze me. I get sappy when Boy Child gives me dandelions or May flowers. I’m a girl; I like girl “things”. Pretty much end of that discussion.

When Jex and I dated before I NEVER got flowers of any sort. Remember, he’s not exactly Mr. Romantic. Here’s a little background on Jex; his father owns a flower shop.
YEP!
Lemme repeat that for you… his father owns a flower shop.
His sister even sent flowers to the restaurant we were having dinner at for my birthday. When I first saw them, I started to say something then he says matter-of-factly, “Those are from my sister”.

It was a simple and beautiful arrangement but perfect, perfect for me. It’s just one of those gripes I have. I don’t want flowers all the time, I don’t expect them, nor do I need them. Do I like them? Yes! I give my girlfriends flowers just because. I don’t necessarily buy them either. If I see a pretty “something” on the side of the road on the way to their house, I stop, pick it and give it to them when I get there. Life is about the little things! We’re girls and we like pretty girl things.

I leave random small notes here and there. I’ll drop a card in a random place with mushy words in it to let someone know how I feel. Those little things can really make a BIG difference in someone’s life. Boy Child gets a Hershey Kiss in his lunch box everyday because I can’t be there to give him an actual “kiss”.

Getting flowers from Jex today is just unbelievably huge!! I can’t explain why my stomach has the weird feeling it has or even why I was shaking like I was or why I still am actually. I just know I have never experienced that before. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand or if I even want to. I’ve been given flowers before, several times for many different reasons, but this was… well this was just….different. No... no… special.


Yes- that’s it…. special.

medicine head

As much as I'd really love to blame my *insert mood* on the medicine I have prescribed myself to get rid of this sissy ass cold I really don't think I can. I guess it's really just a typical night and here's a glimpse of that.

Here's part of an Instant Messenger conversation with Go-Go. Hang on, it gets a little crazy sometimes. There will be typos and a lot of "lol"s-- we laugh a lot! Seriously.


Go-Go: Evenin crazy (if you're alive)
jenn: ohh im alive- kinda
jenn: i feel like royal ass
Go-Go: lol, kinda is better then not at all
Go-Go: Sometimes you feel like a royal pain in the ass, but thankfully not often . Still down with the ickies I see
jenn: yes-- its a nasty cough now... i cough till i about yack
Go-Go: Very shitty
jenn: and im exhausted-- i just caught myself almost dozing
Go-Go: I know it's been around work some. I've been stocking myself up with chicken stew and all that
Go-Go: Well, sleep. if you're sick and your body wants it, lay out and sleep silly lady
jenn: im gonna.. soooon
jenn: have to do something first
Go-Go: blog?
jenn: i promised
Go-Go: to who?
jenn: dont start with me!
jenn: lol
Go-Go: lmao, who's starting? It was a simple question. Seems the answer makes ya edgy, lol
jenn: huh?
Go-Go: When I asked who you promised to, you told me not to start
jenn: im not edgy though
Go-Go: I said that jokingly
Go-Go: I know you're not edgy silly , you wouldn't "lol”
jenn: careful-- im medicine head
Go-Go: if you were
Go-Go: Early enter, HATE that, lol
jenn: know what i did do though
Go-Go: Hmm?
jenn: i told Jex ive been blogging
jenn: but not on "xx" cuz im a big girl now
jenn: lol
Go-Go: lmao
Go-Go: Nice
jenn: but he couldnt have the link lol
Go-Go: I'm still waiting on a someday "Go Go Gadget ASS!" blog or something like that, lol
jenn: lol
jenn: its coming
jenn: i have a WHOLE month
Go-Go: lol, great
jenn: it might not be an ass one
Go-Go: Should I try harder then? lol
jenn: ill drool over my phone happiness
Go-Go: lol
Go-Go: IF ya ever make it in
jenn: i cant stop the dying process
jenn: haha that was funny
Go-Go: It's working cell phone depravity thats causing it, lol
jenn: i literally lol when i typed that
jenn: ohh i crack myself up
Go-Go: lol, medicine head
jenn: alka seltzer rocks!
Go-Go: lol, tastes like bad ass
jenn: alka seltzer plus even
jenn: i dont chew pills
jenn: thanks muchly
Go-Go: Alka Selter makes me gag
jenn: its a PILL
jenn: not the plop plop fizz fizz
jenn: ahh what relief it is!
Go-Go: Oh, well when I think Alka Seltzer, I think foamy drooly lookin crap, lol
jenn: and seagulls exploding
Go-Go: Well, I hate pills anyway, you know that
Go-Go: Only if it comes to functioning at all by taking it, or full incapacitation without, lol
jenn: ohh and these are HUUUUUUUGE!
Go-Go: FUCK that, lol
jenn: and a very pretty blue
Go-Go: Maybe your gag reflex can handle em but I look at big pills and gag, lol
jenn: well its that or i cough till i puke and pass out
jenn: i look at big things and gag too
jenn: LOL
Go-Go: lmao, perv
Go-Go: Easy on that line of talking, I am a man without play, lmao
Go-Go: lol
Go-Go: If only your diabolical skills could be put to something more productive, like finding me play, lmao, jk jk.
jenn: dont be hasty
Go-Go: Hasty? Me? Not with you
Go-Go: No sah no sah
jenn: lol
Go-Go: So I'm at a crossroad, should I begin to invest my waste of time activities in A) Facebook or B) Blogging?
jenn: BLOGGGGGGGGINNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!!
jenn: bloggitty blogging
Go-Go: Addict lol
jenn: lol
jenn: facebook sucks
jenn: its just like myspace
Go-Go: You could have been like "CRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK" and it would have been the same, lmao
jenn: the blogging world is huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge
jenn: ohh im all blogcracked out
jenn: doooooooooooo itttttttt!!!!!!!
jenn: put your writing to good use
jenn: ya know ya wanna
jenn: yea yea yea!!
Go-Go: btw, the rest of the week I work 11-8, and 12-6 on sunday, so you can get in and get your phone fixed lol
jenn: lol
jenn: ok ok ok
jenn: 11-8- check
Go-Go: lol, hush, you can easily tempt me into just about anything, the choice is made I just have to admit it first, lol
jenn: friday im getting a perm-- sat were having a bday party for Big E w/a boob cake
Go-Go: lol
jenn: omg-- you can do it
Go-Go: I'd see a boob cake and end up with frosting covered hands lmao
jenn: my name is Go-Go and im taking my first hit
jenn: HAHA!!!!!


...and that's just how I like to drive this crazy train!