crossroads

I had one of the most physically and emotionally draining weekends I have ever experienced in a really long time. It should go down in one of my record books, if I kept those, but I want to wipe this away from my memory.
Forever.

Instead here I stand.

Facing all these roads, not knowing which one to choose because they all look the same.
I feel so alone.

I had a conversation (email) with my cousin this morning and I think she just may have possibly put up at least one road block for me.

You must constantly ask yourself these questions:
Who am I around?
What are they doing to me?
What have they got me reading?
What have they got me saying?
Where do they have me going?
What do they have me thinking?
And most important, what do they have me becoming?
Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay?

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.


Seeing, reading and actually processing all those questions may have just changed my life in ways I never imagined.

where is my mind

School. I hate it. I don't know why I did it to begin with.
Oh yea, it was something along the lines of, "look Dad, I can do it, even if it is 10 years later!"

Jerks.

I've been doing this school thing since 2004. In bipolar years, that's an eternity!
Taking about 2 classes a semester with summers off, I've managed to really drag this thing out. Class times were not convenient, courses were not what I was interested in and I was not going to send Boy Child off to a sitter. The whole sitter thing was never an option, still isn't. Period.

This semester has been pure hell! I don't even know if hell is a good word to describe this.
I'm behind, I've slacked off and if I could get away with doing little to no work; well, I was the girl!

But... now I'm fucked. There is about 6 days left of this semester and here is what needs to be done:
Ethics: *watch 2 months worth of classes (2 1/2 hour classes-- about 6-8 classes)
*read and post educated discussions on the board to receive a decent grade
*final-- Tuesday at 10am (I've only been to 2 classes this semester, 1st class and the midterm)

History: *read Flanders (start to finish) write a report
*write my own final based on instructor's requirements (I almost puked when I read this)

So needless to say, I'm not doing so well. I'm stressed, I'm sick and my skin is purple! Thank you Mr. Golden Sun!

On a better note, the Professor of the 3rd course I was taking is giving me an extension and letting me complete the course over the summer.

Once this semester is over I am one class away from graduating. Ya know, I can get that piece of paper that says, congratulations-- you slaved away and now owe thousands and thousands of dollars! Get a job!!

The final course I need to graduate is not at a convenient time, go figure, but the Professor is willing to work with me so I can complete the class online, as long as I follow a few extra "rules".

The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter! Finally!

Time to snag that (associate) degree up, go back (again) with a bigger and better plan, walk away with a bachelor's degree and then its look the frig out!

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.