Thursday, December 30, 2010

200 plus 1

After 200 blog posts... this being my 201st, I think I'm going to close this blog.
I have started a new blog. A blog I'm already very happy with.
New. Fresh. Happy. Changes.

This blog has been through so much. Ups and downs... so many downs. It's time for change.

It's time to be jenn :-)

Friday, December 24, 2010

happiness in blue

I'm standing in the bookstore killing time before we go get our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and there it is, in BRIGHT blue, a book that catches my attention: The Happiness Project.
I thumb through its pages and then immediately look at its prices: $25.99.

"I'm not paying that!"

Then I continue to read and think.

I'm not happy. Something is wrong with my life. I just might need this book.

So from here I'm going to walk to the register and purchase myself a Christmas present, a new beginning.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

personal

Not too long ago I had a personal ad. That's how I met Construction actually.
Well, this weekend I decided to dig up that ad and read it, I was curious as to what I had written that was so captivating to this guy who is now so distant.

"I love smiles. I’m looking for a guy who will make me weak in the knees with his.
The sound of laughter makes me laugh. I want someone who is going to make me laugh or better yet, laugh with me.

I’m a mom and all the things that go with it. I’m more patient, understanding, open-minded, and a few other qualities someone might/should find important.
I'm a college student, an active board member for a local non-profit organization and I work in the local school system.

A guy that can go with the flow is a super bonus. A man who knows how to communicate his wants, needs and desires but is not going to forget to listen to mine. We get comfortable in life and our communication levels often stay on the surface. I like to think I’m deeper and more passionate than that. I want to know why the grass is green and the sky is blue. A simple yes or no answer does not always work for me. I will challenge you, because I want to be challenged.

I used to think I didn’t know what I was looking for but as time passes I’m becoming more aware that I really do know; it’s just a matter of finding that person."

So after reading that... I don't have that. I'm not seeing it. I've lost it.
The new year is coming and so are new changes. I'm tired of crying. I can't handle being depressed anymore. Anxiety is not friendly and to top it all off... I can't afford the medication that is supposed to keep me sane. Shit's deep around here; good thing I have some new Bogs!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I don't know where I am

My heart races. I can't breathe.

Is this depression? anxiety? bipolar? I don't know.
I do know I don't wish this on anyone. Anyone at all.

When it's good, it's good. When it's bad...it's really bad.
Sent from my U.S. Cellular BlackBerry® smartphone