a letter because I hate dating

Dear Mother Nature:
Why must you be so moody? Seriously 24 inches of snow? The local weatherman is predicting about 2 feet of snow to be dumped on our area! Must you really?
I have a date Friday night and that is when you're supposed to start your PMS spazz attack, and because I don't care to drive when it's snowing, you're really putting a kink in my plans!
Can you change your plans for Saturday? Saturday works better for me.

---
Speaking of dates... I hate them. I'm going to tell you why...
First date? Almost always uncomfortable.
Dinner and movie dates out are lame.
I like to be comfortable in every sense of the way.
I want to skip all the junk and get right to the point.

Here's an example: Jennifer Marie, this is how you pronounce my last name. I have a brother, parents are divorced, mom is a little unstable, dad is a hard ass former marine. My Memere is my role model; I get my strong will and determinism from her. Boy Child is my everything and I talk about him a lot, and will continue to do so. I did this growing up, here are my mistakes and I can guarantee that many more mistakes will be made... and I welcome you to make mistakes too.

Only problem is, when you throw all that out there from day 1, it's unwanted information. This is me and this is what I have to offer. I don't want to give it my all to find out that you don't like random middle of the night trips to Walmart where my only purchase is a bag of Swedish Fish and a bottle of Snapple.

I'm domesticated: I cook, I clean (sometimes), I enjoy family activities, nights at home cooking together, parades, fairs, board games-- you know, things that don't involve bars and partying like its 1999.

Oh... and don't even get me started on those awkward silences. I like when you get past the point where silence is welcomed and no longer awkward.

I either love you with all that I have, or I don't.

10 years

The past 10 years have been crazy insane. If I told you about them you would never believe it, not in a million years, but something came to me.
Something I guess I have blocked out of my mind.

10 years ago this week I met Boy Child's father, The Mailman. A man who is about 21 years my senior.

What was I thinking you're asking?
To this day I often ask myself that same question and I have yet to find the answer; even a therapist here and there hasn't been able to help me.

Four months later (April), I was packing up my VW and moving away from the family I loved and life I knew to be with this man.
Four months after THAT! (August) I found out I was pregnant with my incredibly awesome Boy Child.

I cannot even begin to tell you what a whirlwind of emotion and chaos the next few years, ok 10 years, would bring me but I will say this much, I am ready to start 2010 off with a bang and with some of the greatest friends a girl could ever ask for.

Thank you everyone for a great year, I'm looking forward to an even better 2010!

no real direction

I'm a real fan of lists. I make them and will accomplish what is on them or... sometimes I won't even come close.
Other times I will make a list just to organize my thoughts, and because I need to slow down my racing mind at this very moment here's a list:

- I want to skip dating
- movie and dinner dates should be banned
- I wish more non-traditional dates were accepted
- feel free to send me non-traditional date ideas
- I think we would be better off apart- forever, even your friendship is becoming toxic
- less anxiety would be nice
- I want to go shopping again and not need a crutch (Boy Child, cell phone)
- I hate that I'm always looking for the nearest exit
- cookies! you've added 5 pounds to my thighs. Thanks. Not really.
- apparently junk food isn't bothering my stomach.
- motivation is missing in action. If you find it, send it home.
- I'm going on a date this weekend
- I really hate dating
- I think I need a separate blog post about dating

here's your sign

...they couldn't afford another 'S'

annnnnd done!

I cannot even begin to express the relief I am feeling right now.
Fall semester of 2009 is officially OVER.

I completed my last final on Thursday and started/finished my final paper on Friday.
Life is good!

Associates degree is now complete.

Stay tuned for the bachelors degree stress that I am sure will overcome me sooner than later.

I prefer white meat

I recently joined some site that allows you to communicate with other people, whom just happen to be single and generally speaking ... have a fear of commitment.

online dating= fail.

Today's email from a possible knight in shining armor:

"Hi hope ur having a good evening im in mass with a load of turkeys going to walmart in lewiston maine my name is ray if u want to chat if not good luck on this site i usally take time of i go to bangor thinking of moving there houlton is boring and i dont really c eye to eye with my roomate he drives dor same compony ."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?!?!
No really! Seriously!
I don't even have the words for this right now, I just hope he an his roomate can settle their differences, and soon because I can't imagine that turkeys are going to be nice company either.

cheese to my mac

Macaroni and cheese.
We all know it and love it.

Cheese and carbs! Carbs and cheese! *sigh*
If you know me at all, you know I love me some cheese! But when it comes to this delicious meal I prefer the boxed stuff; the more generic the better.
Give me that powdered orange stuff and nobody gets hurt. I promise!

But... the best time to eat that meal?
When it's cold!

Don't judge.

I like my leftover mac & cheese cold. It's damn yummy!

Now excuse me, I have cheese 'n' mac to eat before it gets hot!

spirit of giving

{ffffound}

"I know what I have given you.
I do not know what you have received."
-Antonio Porchia-

random yelling

Vlog!! Can you believe it? Because I can't!

Amanda and I went out to do some shopping and this resulted.
Sorry for the poor ass quality but hope you enjoy because we had a blast doing it!

I give thanks

I’m not going home to visit my family this year, instead I’m spending it with my other family; my friends.
* I’m forever grateful for their friendship and their love.
* Boy Child is going to spend this holiday with his father and his family; this is a holiday we alternate. I’m thankful they are part of his life.
* The past month or so, my greatest guy friend has been super! I do not know what I would have done without him. I’m forever in debt to him.
* I baked my first cheesecake ever, it cracked but I tried and I’m not giving up.
* I’m thankful for my determination.
* My bestest girly friend: I’m thankful she’s home.
* I’m so thankful we adopted Baxter to add a little more craziness to our home.
* My mom and I getting along these past few months has been a nice change of pace. Her helping with the new car process has been a blessing also.
* Boy Child making an “I’m thankful for my Mom and Baxter” place mat at school.
* My electric toothbrush makes dentist visits much better. I love the dentist!
* School. I’m so close to getting to the end and it will be so worth it!
* I’m thankful that I passed my last science exam. It was a close call and damn scary towards the end.
* I’m thankful for Boy Child’s progress. He has come so far and has even surpassed expectations.
* I’ve been given a new medication and I cannot even begin to describe what it has done; I no longer sleep all day and my mood, wow! my mood has improved so much.
* My blog readers are amazing. I don’t have many but your comments are amazing, and even those that don’t comment your silence is okay too. I know you’re reading.
* I’ve been able to get sound sleep lately and that is definitely something to be thankful for!
* A little while back Boy Child and I spent a weekend with my Dad and his girlfriend of 11 years, and had a great time. It’s nice when we have quality time visits.
* I’m thankful that both my parents haven’t remarried just for the sake of remarrying to have a title and they know at the end of the day their love is all that matters.
* I’m thankful my mom has an understanding boyfriend; if it wasn’t for him she would not be here to celebrate birthdays and holidays.
* I’m thankful both my grandmothers are with us today.
* I’m thankful my Memere remarried and has showed us grandkids and the great-grandkids what love looks like; it’s a beautiful thing. Al is an amazing man and he’s blessed our family with something special.
…and most importantly I’m just thankful.

kinda low

I have a few things I expect Boy Child to do around the house to help out, they’re not hard or all that demanding, but they are important.
One of the most important would be feeding Baxter. Baby kitty is 4 months old now and food is rather important for this growing creature. With the feeding responsibility also comes the, “Mom, Baxter is running low on food” responsibility.

This weekend we were at a pet store and I thought to ask about the pet food status and Boy Child mentions, “he’s kinda low”. I took that as; we have enough to last the weekend. I was not paying close to $20 for a bag of Science Diet there when I pay about $10 at the Vet’s office.

Sooo… we get home and I peak into the bag and… what do you know but he has barely… I mean barely a scoop of food left! I guess that did fit the “he’s kinda low” criteria.

Dammit! The Vet’s office is closed, tomorrow is Sunday, and well, $20 is ridiculous! I love that little fur ball and all, but come on!

Sunday morning comes and I whip Baxter up some breakfast. Yes, I stood in my kitchen and cooked my cat breakfast. Scrambled eggs!

Don’t judge.

While standing at the stove, I started to realize, I’m turning into my mother. She makes dinner for herself and then makes up a plate of food for her pets. This cannot be happening!

After I made Boy Child his breakfast, Baxter even enjoyed himself a few pieces of bacon.

This stops RIGHT. NOW!

Half a bag will now officially mean “kinda low”.

peas and carrots

Yes! That's right, she's moving home. I am so excited! Things just haven't been the same without her. I mean everything in my life has just been weird with her gone and not just her, even her boys.

She told me last week she was coming home and I was excited then, but it really did not hit me till this morning when I realized she'll be back in Maine... TOMORROW!
I still can't believe it actually.

I'm sad for her because the life that she wanted and had hoped for didn't work out, but sometimes, if it's not meant to be... well, you know the saying.
Her family is here, her friends are here; her support. Her 'man' is staying behind to finish his schooling, which is great. I never that I would see that guy open a book in my lifetime.
Kudos to him.

Shortly after I shared my excitement with twitter and the world, another friend of mine shared his thoughts...






Could that really be true? I've had some sort of 'sickness' since she's been gone. Either this new thing I've been experiencing or I was facing that deep depression and sleeping ALL day; literally it was all day.
Weird.

Either way... she's coming home!
The dynamic duo is back at it again!

words for the soul

I recently heard a song that could not have come at a better time for me.

'Your Ex-Lover Is Dead' by Stars

I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news
From the house down the road from real love
Live through this and you won't look back
There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save


I needed these words.

I wanna be sedated

This whole sickness crap has had a few advantages.

Let me tell you about one: me on drugs, specifically me being sedated.

Oh how I love the 'I don't care drug' they give you before sedation.

(See! I can't even remember the name of it!)

Yes, I know how bizarre this sounds but the whole out of body experience is like no other.

I had to have a procedure done last week and once I was all prepped and ready to go, I was given this drug... started to be wheeled into the operating room and what do you know! the first words out of my mouth....

"Oh... you're all guys!"

I had one female nurse, which apparently meant nothing to me, I was paying more attention to the men in the OR with me.

Then I hear... "Jennifer, we need you to get up on the table."

Me: Ohh! Absolutely!!

There's a reason why you can't get this stuff on the streets. I'd be walking around in a stupor. all.the.time!

10 pounds

...is what I've lost in about 3 weeks since this whole ordeal started. Yes, I'm super freakin' happy to see my jeans finally loose and my scale show numbers I haven't seen for about 8 months now.

Hello emotional eating!

But ya see, I'm kinda sorta hungry and I don't consider jello food anymore.

it's incredible

I started to forget what your voice sounded like.
I forgot what your hands felt like when they caressed my skin.
I forgot how you smelled after a shower, that smell I often found myself missing when you first left.
The memory of your smile and glimmer in your eyes even disappeared from my mind.

Then suddenly, the reasons why we didn’t make it began to slip my mind and powerful thoughts of you came back.
I started yearning for your voice. I craved that touch on my skin. I had a need to see you smile and be the person that had helped make you smile.

Before I knew it, I had your voice back softly whispering to me while you caressed my skin.
I really forgot how much I missed you until I had this again.

Then I was brought back into reality, like a hard, fast punch to the gut.
There was a reason why I started to forget. It was because I needed to.

We just cannot dance to the same song in this thing we call life.

I was moving on; slowly but I was going to get there. Not just because I needed to, but because I wanted to and I had just sabotaged myself.

Something different is happening now.
I have a yearning and craving for something else.

It’s not your voice, your touch or even your smile, because that’s gone.

It’s something bigger.

I want to hear my own voice.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I want to see my own smile.

I now have an incredible need for it.

Sundays

It's Sunday and I have so many things to be thankful for!

Now, I especially love this day because Boy Child comes home from his father's. I don't care for the whole getting him back on routine thing but we're adjusting better. I mean, he has been doing this for almost 7 years now.

My house doesn't have ramen noodles, soda, Chef Boyardee or what I call... 'shit in can' and ummm...oh yea, cigarette smoke!

BUT... I am thankful Boy Child has a father who loves him and is doing the best that he can.

***
Dear Sunday nights at 5pm,

I love you. You make my weekend complete.

Love,
The Crazy Neurotic Mom

100 thanks

A friend recently posted something on Facebook about everyday posting something you are thankful for. Due to recent events, this shined a little light on me.
Ya know… recent events like being able to only eat jello and drink water. Having a few too many hospital visits and tests to be told in so many words, “we don’t know”.

My internet loves, I’m craving junior bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy’s and potato wedges with gravy from KFC.

HUNGRY!

During all of these crazy moments I have had the support from (some of) the greatest friends. I would probably still be in the fetal position crying with no pain relief in site. I wouldn't have new food, well Italian ice and sherbet added to my diet to help satisfy my taste buds a little more. I wouldn’t have silent support from another state; silent support that is bugging out because she can’t be closer.

I’m going to do my best for the rest of my month to blog about what I’m thankful for, even the little things; like I’m thankful for jello even though I don’t like it, but its helping keep me hydrated.

I’m thankful that I’ve had 99 posts and some great readers that have helped keep me a little bit saner.

What are you thankful for?

what halloween taught me

Even if I can see the kids at the door or hear them coming... once that door bells chimes; I jump!

Masks. HATE them. If I can't see your eyes and/or face I'm not ok with that. (I have this problem with sunglasses too)

If you're going trick or treating, wear a costume or have a damn good excuse as to why you don't! Especially when you're begging for candy.

I put the treats in your bag- you don't take my treats to put in your bag.

Only buy candy you like so when all is said and done, you get to eat the leftovers. YUM!

...and lastly, Michael Jackson is alive. I am certain because I gave him a Butterfinger tonight.

jinxing myself

Alright, listen up. I have a confession.

I read wedding blogs.

I'm not getting married. I'm not engaged.
Heck! I don't even have a damn boyfriend!
I'm a bad dater, or I just date bad guys; jury is still out on this one.

...but yep! Wedding blogs!
Not many.
4

I think the best 4 that are out there though.

Meg at A Practical Wedding. Her words and wisdom are so calming, not just about weddings but about life in general. I always feel relaxed and soothed by what she has to say.

Sara at 2000 Dollar Budget Wedding. Sara and Matt have got it goin' on! Some of her (their) ideas just make me want to slap my forehead and go... Duh! why didn't I think of that?!!

Dana is The Broke-Ass Bride. Skillz baby... skillz!

...and finally, Ariel over at Offbeat Bride. Porn! That girl has some of THE best wedding porn, ever! Well, she has other 'wedding' related stuff but the wedding porn makes my knees weak!

So by reading these rockin' blogs, I hope I'm not jinxing myself in the whole wedding/marriage department but whatever! These girls know what they're talking about in ohhh so many ways!

I will say this though, when and if my day comes... I am going to have one heck of a wedding PARTY!

Keep up the great work ladies!

Now let's find me a man! (haha)

blogging toast

I can't believe I missed it! I missed my one year blogiversary!
I haven't even hit 100 posts yet. Less than 100 posts in 365 days?
Woah! Bad blogger!

My blog needs a remodel. Like with our homes, after a while staring at the white walls becomes a little nauseating.
Thoughts? Ideas? My geek skills are unfortunately limited.

I haven't been feeling all that well but I'll save that for later. I just know that no human should still feel tired after sleeping all night then most of the day. That's all I do is sleep! But If I'm not sleeping, I'm in pain. Gah!

My new car is great. We're still getting to know each other. I'll admit, I've sworn at it a few times and I once wished I had my old car back. Giving up a V6 is tough.

**

Today I picked Boy Child up at school and one of our conversations went something like this....

"Hey Mom?! You know about fructose?"
Yes. What about it?
"Well... Z(boy at school) thought it was fruit on toast!"
Do you know what it is? Fructose?
"I know it's not fruit on toast!"

Go on! Say 'fructose' out loud. It sounds like fruit on toast!

permission

Dear residents of Maine,

On November 3, 2009 it's time for you to step up to the plate, set an example and make history!

Hugs 'n' kisses,
sick and tired of 'yes on 1' signs and commercials

punch you in the kisser

This is going to be 'quick' because I'm at school.

I've never mentioned this before but I plan on writing about this sometime soon, I hate small talk!
I mean, I really HATE it.

As my luck would have it, I was just blessed with a quick small talk conversation with a fellow student.

Him: Having fun?
Me: (annoyed) yep. (grabbing my yogurt from the refrigerator)
Him: I'm not but I'm passing all my classes this year. I'm surprised.
Me: (let out a deep sigh, rolled my eyes and walked away)

Seriously! Just pass your fuckin' classes already. Even if you pull off a C, high C, low C-- whatever! You paid big money for the course, just pass!

Oh, and I don't care.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

do re mi

Just another reason why I heart Volkswagen!

think the thoughts

Just a few thoughts:

Hilary Swank is looking fantabulously beautiful on the cover of this months marie claire.
Jon and Kate need to go away. Forever.
I'm seriously addicted to Accidentally on Purpose. Jenna Elfman has done it again!
It's refreshing to finally have a medical professional listen and take action.
I'm excited for the possible changes.
I can't please everyone.
My decisions are my own.
You're damned if you do; you're damned if you don't.
Auctioning Elvis' hair? It's true!
I need a night of deep sleep. I want to wake up feeling refreshed!
I am beyond ready to get rid of my car and welcome my new car home. That's right-- a new (to me) car!
I'm so cool that on a Friday night I'm on the couch snuggled up with Baxter, in my jammies and this is all before 7pm.
Reese's miniature peanut butter cups are really salty. I'm not such a fan anymore but I can't stop shoving them down my gullet!
Fall means pumpkin!
Pumpkin coffee, cappachino, ice cream, cream cheese rolls, muffins! Oh my!!
Before fall is over... I'm close to turning into a pumpkin!
I mention I'm getting a new car?

I need a white board

*warning*
This song is catchy.
Fuck is said a lot.
BUT the video is great so maybe, just turn the volume down a little.

I see a white board and BRIGHT colored markers as my new form of therapy soon.

Patrick Dempsey

Let me get this clear, I do NOT watch Grey's Anatomy nor do I plan to so don't let the title fool you, this has nothing to do with that.

Patrick Dempsey recently came to Maine.
Lewiston, Maine to be exact. My home town.
His home state.
He went to the same high school as my mother. My aunt went to high school with his sister.
We really do live in a small world.

You can go home.

Well, this man has been doing some amazing things. If you want to be inspired do a little bit of reading and a little bit of watching.

you and me

Dave Matthews Band.
LOVE them.
Love him!
I can't even explain it so I won't bother trying.

Just watch...

here again

The beginning and the middle are never quite the same. The events, dates, the small twists and turns are always different and unpredictable but the ending has always been the same.

I have so much to say.
Not just say, but I want to yell it!
Scream and shout it from the roof tops!!

Yet when I open my mouth… silence.
When I put my fingers to the keyboard… I’m frozen.

I’m about to walk in front of that bus knowing it can’t stop.

This thing; it’s putting me on self destruct mode.

I gave in

Many of you might remember when Boy Child and I moved, we also had to surrender our cats because our new place didn't 'allow' pets.
As time has passed we've had some crazy and chaotic moments.
We've also had some times of sadness. Sadness I haven't been able to blog about because I just cannot put the feelings into words; something very unusual for me.

August 26th, Boy Child's Grampie passed away, and this hasn't been an easy adjustment.
Of course, it never is. I think I've had a harder time than he has; I'm so emotional.

So between moving, the chaos, and Grampie passing, Boy Child has been having a hard time adjusting, common with SPD, he has been heard saying, "I wish I had a furry friend".

Now... if that doesn't pull at your heart strings!

I did some thinking, heavy thinking, talking to him about the responsibilities; this time would be different! I filled out the proper paperwork to allow us to have a pet here at the apartment and our search for a 'furry friend' began...

...and ended. I'd like to introduce you to Baxter, adopted from a local shelter.

I cannot even begin to describe the personality this kitten has. I've had many cats and so far, he really has been the best.
Sooo... last night, he was snuggled up in my lap while I was doing some school work and I noticed something, something that was too damn cute to pass up.
You'll have to excuse the quality, I used my blackberry to record him, it was all I had within reach.

(watch his mouth)

keepin' the doctor away

Being fall in Maine, this means it's time for apple picking. The hunt for those perfect apples; so much fun! Then eating that very first apple! Yum!

Here is Boy Child dragging out our treasure; 26 pounds of freshly picked apples!
26 POUNDS!!

So far I have made a crisp and 2 breads. One of those breads is going with him to school for his teacher.
Sadly, that has barely made a dent in our apple collection.

So there's crisp, pie, bread, muffins... (not big on sauce)

Oh... and not worry about my fiber intake that's for sure.

So, what's your favorite apple recipe?

karma

I heard their relationship ended.

Honestly, my first thought was good! That bastard deserves to have his heart broken too. What seemed just like yesterday, he was ripping mine out and squeezing it, just so.
Karma; it was now a sweet new taste in my mouth.

Then I started to change those thoughts; almost instantaneously.
Wait… just a few shorts months ago, I was aching, and I was aching a lot.
If I could sleep, I slept. If I could find comfort in food, I found it.
Many thoughts and actions would produce tears, as a result of this.
Anditwouldhappenjustthisfast.
What a horrible feeling and just a rotten way to live. Heartache hurts. It just plain fuckin’ sucks; no matter how you slice it.

I never thought we’d speak again after we parted ways. I’m bitter and I hold grudges for a long time.
Unhealthy? Yes.
Today, I had a moment of weakness though.
I didn’t call or see him but I sent him an instant message; because I never had it in me to delete him off my “friend list”, you never know when a day like this may creep up on you.
Psychic I tell ya! PSYCHIC!

I told him I was sorry they broke up. I hoped he wasn’t sitting around the house; that’s not the guy I knew.
We continued on with the conversation for a little while longer.
When it ended he mentions it wasn’t a moment of weakness that I had, just a good person who cares.

Excuse me while I toot my own horn for a moment, but you know what!?!
I did care! I do care!
Being hurt sucks, heartache is just brutal and I don’t think it’s fair that anybody has to experience it. Even if you are the guy who, just 7 months ago, did what you did.

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go rinse the taste of Karma out of my mouth.
Oh, and 7 months of comfort food? Helloooo fat jeans!!
Time to get rid of those too!

nice shoes

wanna…

We all know that line; the famous, cheesy and ever so corny pickup line.
We all know several tacky pickup lines. I’m sure some of you have heard them; quite possibly even been the victim.

Well, I don’t know about you but I LOVE pickup lines! The more off the wall they are the better.
A good pickup line to me is one that makes me roll my eyes because it is just THAT bizarre but then I can’t help but throw my head back with laughter.

I don’t think I have ever fallen victim to a pickup line but let me tell you this: the man of my dreams is going to make my knees buckle and my heart melt by feeding me one of the best of the worst pickup lines! I’m just waiting…

This morning I get a text from Ed, (Hi Ed, I know you’re reading!) saying he has the worst pick up line EVER! He claims he stopped reading his “article” to send me this text. Which means he stopped reading… ohh probably Maxim! (nothin’ but love!)

“Don’t fall in love with me, but it’s going to be impossible not to fall in love with you”

No way is that the worst. I LOVE it!

Here are a few more that I’m an absolute fan of!

There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling….
Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose. Take off your clothes.
Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you!
I’ll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.

Now you tell me, what are some of your favorite pickup lines? Are there any out there that make your stomach turn whenever you hear them? What about your friends?

I want to hear them! Go ahead…. SHARE!!!

can't make it up

To the individual who recently Googled: can you have ocd fireman

I'm sorry if you feel Google misguided you and you were not able find the specific answer you were searching for but...

YES!!

Yes, you can have an OCD fireman.

Thanks for visiting; come again soon :-)

say what!?!!

I've been friends with this guy for 10 years now. He's been great! He has seen me experience many things in my crazy-hectic life but the end result has always been acceptance and vice versa.
A few years ago he settles and gets married.
Few weeks ago, he tells me he's getting divorced.
Whatever.

Tonight I get a text message from him: "U need a snuggle budy 2 nite? i got 2morrow off"

Further proof why I sleep alone.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular

sunday

{source}

sink or swim

I’m 29. I’m almost 20-10!
I have an 8 year old son.
Dating. It’s not easy. It’s hard. Ok, it fuckin’ sucks!
Add a child to the mix and it’s not easy, it’s hard and fuckin’ sucks X 10!!

I’m domesticated and I’m already settled down in the child department. I don’t go out and do the party thing. I rarely drink and I don’t smoke. I have a small group of friends but when it comes to social outings, we don’t have much in common. I like being home, doing home things.
Between my mom duties and school for both Boy Child and I, I’m really busy.
Would I want it any other way? NO!

Does it help with dating? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

When a guy asks, “what you did today?” and you tell him….” I packed Boy Child’s snack, filled out his book order, volunteered at the school for picture day, made dinner, did dishes, helped with homework, gave him a bath and had the normal night time routine.” you can already see him rolling his eyes.
Then there is the question I absolutely hate… I mean HATE! “What do you do for fun?” Well… I do all kinds of things that are fun and a huge majority of them involve my child.
Chances are this is going to bore a guy to death and be on his ‘the last thing I want to hear’ list.
Yet I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being a single mom is tough!
Am I exhausted? Sure.
Am I complaining? NO!

I don’t do week night dates, I can’t; I won’t. I don’t have a sitter. I won’t get a sitter. I don’t believe in it. That is one thing The Mailman and I did agree on.
Then the weekend comes and you’re thinking… “Now you’re alone! Use this time to get out there and date!”
Well my loves, wrong!
Whatever I didn’t get done during the week I need to do now! This is my time of quiet, peace, and solitude. Here is a chance to do homework without having to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This is my time to clean the house and pick up toys without turning around and seeing those same legos back on the floor… again!

I can date and juggle all of this. I have done it before and I would happily do it again but this brings me to the problem. A lot of guys are not ready for this. They want to be eased into this.
Do I blame them? NO!
Guys have said they can do this. They can adjust into the domesticated lifestyle.
Newsflash: there is no adjustment period.
It’s either sink or swim.

I hope you brought your life preserver. Ya know, just in case.

not the same

Last night I was chatting online with my greatest friend in the whole world, Amanda about, well we put a whole new spin on random.

Take a look:

Amanda: I am eating cowtails....they are yummy
Me: Ewww those poor cows!
Amanda: they are hard to chase
Me: omg-- totally disturbing
at the fair-- next to the sheep
ready for this?
the meat guide!
what body part is what for food
like the thigh is used for whatever-- the rump is roast-- blah blah... totally effin disturbing
Amanda: that is wrong
Amanda: PETA would have thrown paint on that!!!!
Me: PETA would have thrown paint at the whole thing
animals in cages-- blah blah
it was horrible
Amanda: yeah....I am not loving the whole fair farm thing
Me: yea-- I'm just not into it that much anymore
Boy Child loves the goats so much that I just want to open the gate and yell... run!!
Amanda: LMAO
Me: I'm serious! they're so flippin' cute
and they love him too
dammit-- frig the cat, I want a goat lol
Amanda: Ha ha ha.....I bet that would go over well with the compound
Me: these assholes can have cats and dogs-- snort pills, imma gonna get a goat
let them think they're hallucinating
HAHAHA!!
Amanda: right......Onion would probably think it was a horse
Me: neigh!


******

Me: facebook is available in 65 languages
Me: who speaks 65 languages
Amanda: holy guacamole
Me: I didn't know there was even 65 languages to speak
Amanda: really.....yeah there are more than that.....I think
Me: that's disturbing!
if I start clucking and neighing will you still understand me? would facebook understand me?
Amanda: You have me dying over here......yes I will......farmese is easy to understand
Wait.....I have to say something funny
poopdink
Me: wtf is that?
poopdink?
Amanda: that is my something funny
think about it and don't tell me you won't laugh
Me: umm Amanda
that's disturbing
Amanda: lol
you love it and you know it.....I make you laugh
Me: and kinda gross
Amanda: it was the first thing that came to mind

Even though she has moved away, we still have crazy random conversations whether they are via IM, facebook, or twitter but it's just not the same.

I miss my friend.

see it to believe it

Have you seen this?
AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com is completely worth checking out!
I'm going to warn you though, once you start you will not stop. I repeat, WILL NOT STOP!

I have been looking at these photos and laughing. Literally laughing out loud because more often than not I've been familiar to some of those. If you haven't, you know someone who has!

After seeing a few pictures I have been heard saying the following:
"Oh my god! I had that shirt!
"Oh no! I've done that!"
"Sorry Boy Child, I think I have a picture of you doing that"
"What the fuck was my mother thinking?"

Go look! What are you waiting for? GO LOOK NOW!!

I want to hear your awkward photo stories! Have you done the arm shelf?

14.4

Yesterday was the anticipated blood donation day that I had been preparing myself for after the last attempt.
Preparing myself as in eating beans, spinach, oatmeal, peanut butter, drinking juice and taking an iron supplement. I can and will say this much right now; I'm ready to give my digestive system a rest!

Make a long story short, the necessary hemoglobin levels for females are 12.1- 15.1 and I tested at 14.4!!

HUGE improvement!

12 minutes and 9 seconds later I was down a pint of blood, feeling a little woozy but so happy!
Average donation time? 7- 10 minutes. Again, goes to show I am everything but average!

I'll still continue to keep up with my iron enriched foods and supplements along with drinking juice to help with absorption because I plan on going back in 56 days.

crazy-hectic

So much has happened since the last time I blogged I don’t even know where to start. So I’ll try to recap the best I can.

My best friend, Amanda, of 9 years is moving. To Massachusetts. That is an easy 5 hour drive from here. Yea, I’m sure this topic will be a future blog post. This is sudden, she didn’t give much warning.

Remember those concert tickets I received for Christmas? Well FINALLY! The time came to see Sugarland and Matt Nathanson perform. What a show! Amazing!!
Amanda and I took a weekend road trip to New Hampshire for the concert. The experience and memories will be with us forever.

On our way back home we stopped to meet fellow bloggers, Badass Geek and his wife The Boss. It was really nice to meet up with them for part of the afternoon. It’s refreshing to meet people whom you don’t have to explain what a “blog” is or why you do it. We had things to talk about since we already had some background information about each other; I mean we tell the world already about our lives. I hope to meet up with them again in the future, they’re a great couple.

My Dad figured out how to text message. To watch him show me his new phone, which takes pictures, was absolutely adorable, then to receive a text message from him several hours later was even better. This is amazing progress for the man who says, “he’s getting old.” He’s 55 today. Happy birthday Dad!

The American Red Cross called me, I’m going to try to donate blood tomorrow and hope that this doesn’t happen again. I’ve been trying to eat foods with lots of iron and drinking juice with calcium at the same time to help with absorption. Blood supplies are always low during summer months.

I had to make a phone call to the financial aid office about my award package which means school is too damn close, as in next week. Not excited. At all.

Boy Child starts school next week. I haven’t started school shopping for him yet because he won’t stop growing. He’s crazy tall for his age and I’m not buying clothes for 2 different sized kids when I only have one child.

I cannot wait for him to go back to school! His mind is turning to mush! Boy Child and his neighbor friend are constantly bickering and my house is literally an army battle field; toys everywhere! During the school year both kids are so busy during the week they don’t see each other often and on weekends mine is off visiting his dad. Looking forward to having routine, structure and at least some of my sanity back!

I received some blogging awards that I need to desperately catch up on. If it wasn’t for the last minute I wouldn’t get anything done.

I just recently started cruising etsy. Love it! I’m trying to find my Mom a piece of jewelry, just because.

I witnessed a car accident in front of The Compound yesterday. Helping the accident victims and waiting for those sirens just brought on a whole different feeling within me. I’m glad everybody is ok, especially the children.

Things have been crazy hectic but I really wouldn’t want it any other way. I hope everyone else is doing great. So tell me, anything crazy and hectic going on in your world?

it annoys me when

... my neighbor's cigarette smoke makes my home stink!

Its 90something degrees out! I want my windows open so I can enjoy the few short weeks we're having of summer.
You know because it only rained the entire months of June AND July!

sights and sounds

There's just something about them. They're bright. They're loud. They're bold.

Either way; they still bother me.


I don't hear dispatch over the scanner before I see and hear those sirens anymore.


You're not there to call me and tell me what's going on in our small town.


I don't know what type of call you're about to be faced with.


I worry. Still.


I hope you're ok. I just want you to be ok.

Oh! and I refuse to apologize for feeling this way. It's still there anytime I see and hear them.

It's just that powerful.

I'm only human.

what beautiful eyes you have

Dear Members of the Male Species:*
Sunglasses are important, often vital when it comes to protecting our precious eyes.
Other times sunglasses are merely just a fashion statement.
When the time comes to purchase these spectacles it is best to know which size and shape would best fit the size and shape of your head.

So let me help, here's a quick run down for you:**

oval face: almost any style work for an oval face. Experiment with the latest looks, such as wraparounds or shields. Square shaped frames with gently rounded edges and higher temples look good on an oval face.
frame suggestions: any frame shape

round face: frames should make the face appear longer and thinner. In general, look for frames equal to or slightly wider than the broadest part of the face. Minimize the curves and add definition with soft, angular, rectangular style or double brow styles. Higher temples will create a longer profile. Sunglasses with brow bars also pull the eye upward, making the face appear longer.
frame suggestions: wider frames with angular/rectangular styles

diamond shape: this face shape has wide or high cheek bones with a narrow forehead and chin. Oval sunglasses will soften the contour of the face, although softly curved square frames will work as well. Make sure the styles are no wider than the top of the cheekbones.
frame suggestions: oval, square, rimless

square face: this face shape consists of a strong jawline, a broad forehead and wide cheekbones. Reduce the angles with soft, curvy styles that will give the face some definitions such as cat-eye styles. The classic ovals also work well for this face shape.
frame suggestions: oval, round, cat eyes

oblong face: widen and shorten the face with sun glass styles that do not extend beyond the widest part of the face. Round or square shapes will look great on this face. Frames with short horizontal and long vertical lines also work. Decorative or contrasting temple add width to the face.
frame suggestions: round, square

triangle shape: this face has a narrow jaw and a wide forehead. Soften the lower portion of the face by accenting the eye area. Styles such as cat-eyes should angle outward at the top corner and be wide enough to balance the jawline. You can also try the metal frames with rimless bottoms.
frame suggestions: frames with a straight top line, cat eyes

When you do decide to shop for these, please make sure you bring a member of the female species to help offer you a lot little guidance. Remember, if she's not the one looking at you, the rest of the world is.

Oh... and one last thing.
Color.
That's very important too.
Never wear white sunglasses. Everything about it is wrong.

Unless of course, you're...

{photo}

Nope. Still looks horrid!

(some members of the female species could benefit from this)*
**source**

3... no make it a 4 bean salad

I'm sure you've all seen and/or heard about the classic 3 bean salad; kidney beans, garbanzo beans (chic peas), and green beans.
Last night I decided to experiment and mix things up according to my liking along with my need for more iron and protein in my diet.
Let me say this: Yummilicious! Hot Damn!

So... I thought I'd share with you. Especially if you love and appreciate the mixture of these beans and ingredients like I do.

3...no make it a 4 bean salad!

1 can (16oz) garbanzo beans (chic peas)
1 can (15.5oz) dark red kidney beans
1 can (15.5oz) black beans
1 can (15.5oz) cannellini or great northern beans (I used great northern)
(drain and carefully rinse beans)

1 cup (total) red, yellow, orange and green peppers diced up small (I used more- I love peppers)

Dressing:
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/3 cup vinegar
1/3 cup sugar (I used a little more, wasn't an exact 1/3 cup measurement)
1/4 tsp minced garlic (or more!)
1/4 tsp black pepper

Combine beans with the diced peppers in a large bowl.

(so pretty in my cobalt blue bowl!)
In a separate bowl whisk olive oil, vinegar, sugar, garlic and black pepper well.

Pour the dressing into the bean and pepper mixture and carefully combine.
Cover and refrigerate.


I let mine set over night. I'm sure a few hours would do just fine because when I taste tested this right after it was delicious! Give the sugar time to work its magic with the vinegar though!

Bon Appetit!!

a perfect day

has...
*sand between our toes
*cool ocean water, ok so maybe its more like, "damn that's cold!!"
*sand dollars and sea glass
*warm ocean breeze
*laughter
*the smell of sunscreen (mmm cocoa butter)
*no sunburns!


... a Boy Child covered in seaweed!

OOooo so scary!

... and a Momma that's feeling rejuvenated!

the power of words

Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me.
Today is a new day and I have hopes of treating it just like that, new. I'm also in hopes of those around me doing the same.
Often times those around me know just what to say when a day like that creeps upon me, and everything about it is perfect, it makes life seem a little more tolerable.
Then there are the times when they do not, and that's fine too. It's not something that everybody understands and I'm still learning to appreciate that.
I'm eternally grateful either way you look at it.
Then there are the words from the strangers, the strangers whom do not feel strange to you.
The same words your friends may have told you but this time something seems different; they're a little stronger, a little bolder and even a little more colorful.
Yesterday I received some of those words that made me turn my outlook around, just enough to feel stronger than I was feeling before.

...and to you, I thank you.

{photo ffffound }

I wish you would have taken the time

I wish you would have taken the time to know that sometimes I really don’t know.
I am my own worst enemy.
My thoughts and feelings often get in the way of each other, leaving me to feel like “I just don’t know.”

I am my own worst critic.
My skin isn’t right. I’m still not the perfect weight.
My thighs; oh my gawd- my thighs!!
My fingers are long; I don’t mind until someone takes notice then I become insecure.
My hair will never be how I want it; but that’s okay because that is one thing I can control when so many other things in my life are uncontrollable.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that some days it was and still is impossible to get out of my own way.
Get up, get moving, get going and motivate cannot be done in a motion as easy as 1, 2, 3.
That process, you see; he and I slow dance. Sometimes we don’t dance at all because I’m not a good dance partner. Other days, on rare occasion, I leave my dance partner behind because I’m doing the jitter bug so fast he cannot keep up.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I wanted to share this with you and maybe learn more together but you see; I couldn’t.
I was scared, I’m always scared. I thought you, of all people would have never judged but when I listened to your conversations, your words blew me away. I had no idea you were capable of such thoughts. So I retracted and kept quiet; I even distanced myself. I was afraid of what to say, how to say it or how to act while your thoughts and ideas were expressed vocally, often unkindly, around me and that “dancing partner” of mine.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I just wanted to feel safe and more often than not my hand in your hand made me feel that way. Sometimes I just needed a soft and simple touch from you for reassurance; that gentle touch to calm me and let me know “you were there.”

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I’m really sensitive; more sensitive and vulnerable than I’d ever care to admit and that hurts.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I only complained about music choices because I wanted to share something with you. I knew we could eventually compromise but I was often disappointed. Would one of my song choices per every ten of yours been that big of a deal? Again, I just wanted to share our interests and open one another’s minds.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that a particular chore was so dreadful and daunting because in all reality, I cared. You caring about yourself would give me a longer time to care about and for you. I didn’t want to see you dead in 5 years.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I do know you did the best you could, especially with what you had. It wasn’t what I wanted, it never is, but maybe it truly was all that you knew how to do or knew how to give. What is it with us always wanting more?

I wish you would have taken the time to know that when I picked out cards for you it would have taken me at least half an hour to find that perfect one and if I found more than one I’d buy it also because I knew you needed that one too; maybe not now, but soon.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I have a favorite number; its 3. I take the 3rd drink back, 3rd magazine in, the 3rd newspaper down, and let’s not forget the 3 stone ring.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I wanted you to do those little things, on your own, so I knew you cared; actions often speak louder than words.

I wish you would have taken the time to know you saying, “you’ve come this far” or “you can do it” always helped push me a little bit further.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I tried. Dammit! I fuckin’ tried!!

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I have a million more things to say.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I just needed you there.

{ ffffound! }

a day without sunscreen

As I type, I'm sitting here in bed watching my son finally sleep. It really isn't a peaceful sleep, the sleep I know he needs and deserves, but this is going to have to get us by for now.

You see... two days ago he went to the beach with 'camp' and his peers, an outing that we all enjoy as children and adults.
I sent him to camp with the requested necessary items for that day; swim trunks, towel and sunscreen.
Later that evening after our normal, "how was your day" discussion, he says, "I think I'm sunburned".
When I had him take his shirt off, I never imagined I would see my child's skin so sunburned!
Boy Child has such fair skin; he's so porcelain and now he shared the same red tone as a cooked lobster.
I am always so cautious when it comes to his skin. I am constantly putting sunscreen on him and keeping track of the time to make sure I don't forget to reapply it.
One application at the start of the day is never enough!

I then questioned him about sunscreen and he says it was never put on him.
I'm so upset. He was in the care of adults all day, at camp, and sunscreen was never put on him.

Wednesday night was hell, a cool tub was torture for him, burn jel wasn't soothing enough and sleeping was damn near impossible for this kid.

Thursday morning when I brought him to camp I questioned them about the sunscreen. They apologized and said the kids all had sunscreen applied, he must have been missed.

MISSED!?!

He stayed at camp for the rest of the day, being cautious about being bumped, touched or having more sun exposure.

That night I get his tub ready because his skin is still fairly warm to the touch and I wanted to get the old layer of burn jel washed off so I could apply a new layer.
Trying to get his shirt off was almost impossible! It was stuck in some places and he was just plain uncomfortable.
Finally able to get it off, I notice some skin has come off with his shirt and he has a small blister.

Friggin' great!

Finish the tub ordeal, which completely and totally sucked!!!
I then manage to get him into something as soft as I could find; his fleece pajama bottoms and one of my t-shirts.

I call the Emergency Room about the sunburn, chills, shakes, nausea and now blister, to make sure I'm not missing anything. I'm told what I'm doing is right, keep doing it.
Get him into bed for another long night of tossing and turning and because he is so miserable I share my bed with him so I can be miserable too.

Today we wake up to find that small tiny blister has grown! It is now HUGE! and the other shoulder that seemed to have had no signs of blisters now has, well MANY!!

I panic and call the ER again, and I'm told, "if you're concerned you can bring him in".

Gee thanks Captain Obvious! You're a fuckin' pal!

I call the family physician, get an appointment for later in the day but until then keep him comfortable.

Ha! They're fuckin' kidding right?
I have a child who has Sensory Processing Disorder, a severe sunburn on his back and shoulders and is an 8 year old boy.
He sits in one position for any amount of time and that begins to hurt, when it comes time to move, that also hurts and then I have to help him move.
Keep him comfortable my ass!!

Appointment time comes and guess what!?!

There isn't a damn thing they can do for this kid!! Keep giving him ibuprofen, cool compresses (if he'll let you), aloe, and all the other fancy shit I've been doing? Keep doing it.

These blisters?

These blisters (which are all even bigger now) are perfectly normal.

Bullshit!

He was going to get a prescription for Silvadene, which works amazingly well on burns, but because Dr. Mom is allergic to Sulfer, Boy Child can't reap the benefits of this.
Ya know, because I have to apply the cream and then snuggle this child, because it seems that's all he wants to do!
So instead, when those nasty bastards pop, its good ol' fashion triple antibiotic ointment. (Pssst...that has sulfer in it too, just a smaller percentage)

Boy Child will go back on Monday for a follow up and will not be going to camp next week.

*Sunscreen. Know it and use it.
*I swear. A lot
*When I talk about this, in real, I'll swear a LOT more
*When your child asks for a pb&j at 9am, make it for him
*A popsicle at 11am? Get 2, one for him- one for you!
*Oh yea... and SUNSCREEN!!! Use it!

what to pick

...my weekend...

It started only a few months after the Blonde Bomber was purchased and has lasted for 6 years now; a serious love/hate relationship.

But now I'm afraid the Blonde Bomber's dying process has officially begun.
Its traumatizing.
I thought I was prepared. Ready.
Something.
But I'm not. Not yet anyways.
Mentally and most definitely not financially.

I thought a little 'housekeeping' would make the process a little less painful, maybe help lessen the load for when the dark hour does strike.

The (few) things I found!

• neosporin
• pink glitter band aids
• splenda
• Boy Child's prescription glasses (from Kindergarten)
• my broken sunglasses (yes, I know-- broken)
• screwdriver
• box cutter
• scissors
• nail polish
• empty purse
• hoodie
• flip flops
• AA batteries
• cell phone charger from who knows how many cell phones ago
• dried out baby wipes
• all the insurance cards I've ever had while owning the car (at least 12)
• all the registration forms (6)
• old mail
• stamps
• pay stubs
• sharpies
• birthday card from Dad (2 years ago)
• towels
• backpack with "keep Boy Child busy" items
  (finally found his baseball glove!!)
• legos! lots of legos!!
• air mattress pump (from last summers camping)
• tooth paste
• floss (there are times when you just have to floss your teeth)

...like today, at the red light; me flossing my teeth in the Blonde Bomber was way better than looking at you picking your nose in your Mercedes.

What crazy things do you keep or have you found in your car?

quick conversation

Boy Child and I were sitting on the couch this afternoon when he randomly says, "Mom, I know how to do a squat."
Me: You do? Where did you learn how to do that?
BC: iCarly
Me: *blank stare*

iCarly is teaching my son how to do squats.
Why does that seem wrong to me?
Really wrong; in ohh soo many ways.

crossroads

I had one of the most physically and emotionally draining weekends I have ever experienced in a really long time. It should go down in one of my record books, if I kept those, but I want to wipe this away from my memory.
Forever.

Instead here I stand.

Facing all these roads, not knowing which one to choose because they all look the same.
I feel so alone.

I had a conversation (email) with my cousin this morning and I think she just may have possibly put up at least one road block for me.

You must constantly ask yourself these questions:
Who am I around?
What are they doing to me?
What have they got me reading?
What have they got me saying?
Where do they have me going?
What do they have me thinking?
And most important, what do they have me becoming?
Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay?

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.


Seeing, reading and actually processing all those questions may have just changed my life in ways I never imagined.

the fine print

Soda: haven't had that in... ohh 7 years.
Beverages in a can? I don't consume them because carbonation is not my friend.

Until recently!

My dear friends at AriZona have put out this beauty! (along with a few other yummilicious flavors)

Sooo... it's been just say YES to beverages in a can! (non carbonated of course)

Although I'm not liking this process of popping the top, taking that first sip and realizing it just doesn't taste right.
Yet its at that exact moment when I see the words, "SHAKE WELL" when I realize I've done something wrong.

All those years of being told not to shake the cans have just gone down the pissah!

Now watch, next can I'm not supposed to shake, I will!

its never intentional

Dear Jennifer,

Seems to be that we have a problem. This blogcation you are on?
It has to end.
Right. Now.

Yes, I know you've met a guy. Yes, I know he's amazing. This is a relationship like you have never experienced. Ever.
You are being tried, tested and challenged above and beyond what you are used to. I think you can do it.
Wait.
I know you can do it.
Be optimistic and patient. Like I said; tried, tested and challenged, it's happening to you.
Love is amazing.

Yet other things in your life have changed and not all of them are for the better. Get your head out of your ass and get with the program.
The right program.

You're constantly tired. All. Day. Long!
You started walking. A lot. Then stopped.
Meat and cheese? Hello!! They are your enemy and now you're shoving them into your pie hole. Again??
Enough is enough.
Did you see those numbers on the scale this morning? Those are NOT acceptable. NO!
NOT at all.
Sugar. Remember what that does to you too?
Apparently, the constant stomach pain and lethargic feeling you are experiencing is alright with you.
In reality, this is a problem. BIG problem.
Sleep. Get more.
Peanut butter. Time to rethink this food again.
Gastric bypass. Remember why you had this surgery? I think you have lost sight of this. Get it back. NOW!

It's official. You have, yet again, slipped into a funk. I know it wasn't intentional. It never really is but you must do everything in your power to change it. Stop it. Or it will become irreversible.

Oh, and while you're out and about making changes I think it's time you find a new therapist. Apparently that is one relationship that is NOT working for you.

This is written only because someone had to.

photo courtesy: lerP

Blood Donation: epic fail

Only I didn't get to make a difference and this deeply bothers me.

Let me give you a little background. I have an awesome blood type: O negative.
The American Red Cross loves me. Everyone loves me; or at least they should. I am a universal donor. Should a blood transfusion be needed, potentially any person can receive type O negative blood regardless of their blood type. Amazing!

Blood donation is one of the greatest gifts you could ever give. If you have never given you should really look into it, get over your fear of needles and just do it. Be selfless, give about an hour of your time, and help save a life. Blood, platelets, and/or plasma are used for accident victims, kidney/liver/heart transplants, premature babies, bone marrow transplants, open heart surgeries, cancer/leukemia treatments, sickle cell anemia even severe burns.
An accident victim could require 4-100 units of blood; your donation only covers 1 unit.
A severe burn patient could require 8 units of plasma, again your donation only covers 1 unit.
A premature baby could require 1-4 units while in intensive care.

**

Yesterday was my day to donate! I was all ready to go. I even bring Boy Child, despite his protest. Blood makes his "tummy feel funny" but I want him to see how important this is. Maybe someday we'll be able to save a life together.
So I get to the blood drive that was set up in my town, sign in, fill out the paper work and get my rockin' name tag (see above).
Once my name was called I went into the closed off booth to answer the repetitive questions and have my hemoglobin checked.
Hemoglobin is a protein carried by the red blood cells that contains iron.
Medical term for low hemoglobin? Anemia
In order to donate you must have a hemoglobin level of 13.8-17.2 for males and 12.1-15.1 for females.
I have the little finger prick done, blood sample put in the machine and we wait....

...and wait...

LLL

LLL? Seriously!?

The guy looks at me and says "Wow! Its not even registering, that's low"

I sat there completely stunned. I take a 65mg iron supplement everyday on top of a multivitamin due to my absorption issues with gastric bypass and also because I went the vegetarian route back in December.

How could this be?

I have to sign a form saying I've been deferred; please wait 12 weeks before you try again. Here are some dietary advisements, get healthy and have a great day.

I felt like I was just told my dog died. (I don't have a dog but whatever)

I'm torn. I gave up meat for many reasons but I'm also very pro-active about blood donation. I'm even an organ donor, well not yet obviously!
If me consuming meat again is going to save a life then is it worth it? Am I risking my health right now? I'm obviously not doing something right. I thought I was consuming enough foods that would keep me healthy; keep us healthy. If my levels are low Boy Child's levels must be also.

Consume an animal to keep us healthy and help save a life every 56 - 112 days, depending if I'm donating whole blood or double red cells (which they want these from me too) or continue on this road, which has yet to be determined but I don't think it looks promising.

**

Do your part, go donate and help save lives!

I'm off to "get healthy!"

Apartment Living Wednesday

Mother's Day. Really?

Mother's Day has come and gone. I called my mother, wished her a happy day, she cried, said I love you.
I ended the conversation with talk to you later; bye.

We do not have that classic mother/daughter relationship; never have.
Does it bother me? Sure.
Will it change? No.

For so many years my Dad received the Happy Mother's Day recognition. The homemade cards, cakes, and balloons. He picked up her slack because someone needed to. Those big manly hands had such a gentle touch. He was the boo boo kisser and the best person to put band aids on. He was perfect at using a curling iron to put those little curls in my hair for special occasions. Never a burn. (I can't even do that)
He was the greatest bedtime story teller. Stories never came from a book; they were from deep within his heart. I only wish I could tell my own son those amazing stories; instead I'm stuck with books.
From teaching me to drive, putting makeup on (who knew), to teaching me how to shoot a gun, pitch a tent, paddle a canoe and even braiding my Barbie's hair, he was. the. man.

Happy Mother's Day!

1, 2, 3, 4

I think I have found my new favorite song. Seriously.
Or maybe it is the video that has made me fall in love with it even more.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do :-)

beat up and worn

That blue uniform; I’ve seen it before. I even noticed the boots. Those beat up, worn and rugged work boots that give you a very distinctive walk. But I never really paid attention.

You were walking through the store the other day, working and something came over me; I said hi.
It was short, sweet, quiet and to the point. You even said hi back but then I was gone.

You see, I’m not one for engaging in a random conversation. I’m awkwardly shy. There is an extrovert screaming to come out of this introvert body. It’s a constant battle.

Today, there you were: blue uniform, rugged boots and that walk.

Different time. Different place.

You tried to start a conversation.

I wanted it.
I felt it.

A simple “hello, how are you? It’s a nice day out”, casual conversation was what ensued.

I gave you simple, short answers in return and again; I was gone.

I’m so disconnected.

photo {kat burns}

where is my mind

School. I hate it. I don't know why I did it to begin with.
Oh yea, it was something along the lines of, "look Dad, I can do it, even if it is 10 years later!"

Jerks.

I've been doing this school thing since 2004. In bipolar years, that's an eternity!
Taking about 2 classes a semester with summers off, I've managed to really drag this thing out. Class times were not convenient, courses were not what I was interested in and I was not going to send Boy Child off to a sitter. The whole sitter thing was never an option, still isn't. Period.

This semester has been pure hell! I don't even know if hell is a good word to describe this.
I'm behind, I've slacked off and if I could get away with doing little to no work; well, I was the girl!

But... now I'm fucked. There is about 6 days left of this semester and here is what needs to be done:
Ethics: *watch 2 months worth of classes (2 1/2 hour classes-- about 6-8 classes)
*read and post educated discussions on the board to receive a decent grade
*final-- Tuesday at 10am (I've only been to 2 classes this semester, 1st class and the midterm)

History: *read Flanders (start to finish) write a report
*write my own final based on instructor's requirements (I almost puked when I read this)

So needless to say, I'm not doing so well. I'm stressed, I'm sick and my skin is purple! Thank you Mr. Golden Sun!

On a better note, the Professor of the 3rd course I was taking is giving me an extension and letting me complete the course over the summer.

Once this semester is over I am one class away from graduating. Ya know, I can get that piece of paper that says, congratulations-- you slaved away and now owe thousands and thousands of dollars! Get a job!!

The final course I need to graduate is not at a convenient time, go figure, but the Professor is willing to work with me so I can complete the class online, as long as I follow a few extra "rules".

The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter! Finally!

Time to snag that (associate) degree up, go back (again) with a bigger and better plan, walk away with a bachelor's degree and then its look the frig out!

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

it was special

1 weekend.
2 friends.
10 years later.

Who says you can't go back?

I never realized just how much I missed her. I'm glad I had her back, even if it was only for a weekend. Never again will I let ten years pass.

I miss you.