personal

Not too long ago I had a personal ad. That's how I met Construction actually.
Well, this weekend I decided to dig up that ad and read it, I was curious as to what I had written that was so captivating to this guy who is now so distant.

"I love smiles. I’m looking for a guy who will make me weak in the knees with his.
The sound of laughter makes me laugh. I want someone who is going to make me laugh or better yet, laugh with me.

I’m a mom and all the things that go with it. I’m more patient, understanding, open-minded, and a few other qualities someone might/should find important.
I'm a college student, an active board member for a local non-profit organization and I work in the local school system.

A guy that can go with the flow is a super bonus. A man who knows how to communicate his wants, needs and desires but is not going to forget to listen to mine. We get comfortable in life and our communication levels often stay on the surface. I like to think I’m deeper and more passionate than that. I want to know why the grass is green and the sky is blue. A simple yes or no answer does not always work for me. I will challenge you, because I want to be challenged.

I used to think I didn’t know what I was looking for but as time passes I’m becoming more aware that I really do know; it’s just a matter of finding that person."

So after reading that... I don't have that. I'm not seeing it. I've lost it.
The new year is coming and so are new changes. I'm tired of crying. I can't handle being depressed anymore. Anxiety is not friendly and to top it all off... I can't afford the medication that is supposed to keep me sane. Shit's deep around here; good thing I have some new Bogs!

no real direction

I'm a real fan of lists. I make them and will accomplish what is on them or... sometimes I won't even come close.
Other times I will make a list just to organize my thoughts, and because I need to slow down my racing mind at this very moment here's a list:

- I want to skip dating
- movie and dinner dates should be banned
- I wish more non-traditional dates were accepted
- feel free to send me non-traditional date ideas
- I think we would be better off apart- forever, even your friendship is becoming toxic
- less anxiety would be nice
- I want to go shopping again and not need a crutch (Boy Child, cell phone)
- I hate that I'm always looking for the nearest exit
- cookies! you've added 5 pounds to my thighs. Thanks. Not really.
- apparently junk food isn't bothering my stomach.
- motivation is missing in action. If you find it, send it home.
- I'm going on a date this weekend
- I really hate dating
- I think I need a separate blog post about dating