single but not

I'm dating someone. Have been since the end of July. 

But here's the kick in the knees... he doesn't want a relationship. 

So in all reality, I'm still single. 

This is how a conversation I had recently went:

Random Guy: You Single?

Me: I am.

RG: Want to go out for coffee or something sometime?

Me: I'm dating someone

RG: I thought you said you were single?

Me: I am. 

RG: But you're dating?

Me: Yea, he doesn't want a relationship. 

Can you wrap your head around this one, because I can't.

Stepping back and looking in... I'm a friggin' idiot! 

feeling crazy

Life has changed.
I wouldn't say drastically, but it has changed enough that I sometimes have to step back and really look at what is happening.

The Man lives 115 miles away. 2 hours away therefore I spend 4 hours a weekend driving. I'm not complaining but in all reality- it sucks. Looking at the bigger picture The Man lives near my hometown, where I grew up; an area I have avoided like the plague for the last 10 years.
Now I look forward to going there every weekend. What the heck is wrong with me!?!!

Oh yea... I've been bitten by the love bug.

I've been bitten so bad I've started a new job search. A job search that would relocate us. My family. The family that includes Cole, Baxter and of course yours truly.

I have tried to explain how I feel about this man, about this situation, and well... whatever else pops up in my mind and I truly cannot. I feel like I've gone mad.

Almost instantly when I saw him, I knew. He was going to be my last date. He was going to be my last first kiss, but every kiss feels like the first.

How do you explain all this to people? How do you tell someone you know that this man you've only known a short time really is it. I've heard that when you know, you know. People say you can feel it instantly. It's not something you have to develop over time; it's either there or it's not.

Well baby, it's there.

throwing my hands up

"give up for good and he will show up"

That's the advice I was given today from a friend who has been in a crazy ass unstable relationship* for the past 12ish years.

Is that really true? If I just "give up" this person, whom I'm meant to be with, will just show up? Unexpectedly of course.

I'm not so sure I believe it. I've thrown my hands up. I've walked away. I've cried. I've even screamed and stomped my feet. Nothing.

I'm just not so sure anymore.

*but I still stand by her

I broke a rule

The Date says to me, I'm surprised you haven't sworn off men by now.

That was after I broke a rule. One of those rules in dating where you're not supposed to talk about your previous relationships. Let's be honest here, how can you not?
Those adventures molded me and will continue to. They taught me to love deeper, speak more and share my passions.

I haven't sworn off men because I was hopeful that someday I'd be able to speak more, share my passions and love deeper with someone. I'm glad I held on to that hope.

hypocrite

I don't care to date guys with children.
Dating is complicated enough but once you add a child to the mix things become more complex.
Add another two or three and it's an impossible feat.

I think guys who won't date single moms are judgmental and shallow. If anything, becoming a parent has made me a better person. I am more understanding, patient, appreciative, open-minded, grounded, etc.

This new situation only Boy Child is involved. I can tell you that there is now a little less stress.
Why? ... well The Date has asked what works best for us. He didn't avoid the subject-- he approached it head on. The subject being the most important aspect of my life: Boy Child.

I have always tried to put off the introduction, but through the years I have learned there is no time that is the best.
And as for the introduction? There really is no proper method for that either.

What I have learned, is to be open and honest. Boy Child and I have that kind of relationship and I will not put that in jeopardy. Ever.
It will start as an introduction based on friendship.
I am allowed to have male friends just like he has female friends at school. When things progress, the introductions and invitations to events with us increase.

I don't know of any other way.

change of plans

Happy 2010!

I hope everyone celebrated the New Year properly and did it safely!

dating update:
Mother Nature is still having her PMS spazz attack but we didn't let that stop us. Instead we changed the plans a little bit and had our date at my house.
WAY better.
I was relaxed and comfortable in more ways than one; even he said he liked the idea of staying in.
I'll leave the (not so) boring details out but the date was a success and future dates have already been discussed!
Like... hockey games in the near future. I LOVE hockey games!!

I hope he's prepared for this.

p.s. The guy can cook! Yes, that's right! He cooked us dinner, in MY kitchen!

a letter because I hate dating

Dear Mother Nature:
Why must you be so moody? Seriously 24 inches of snow? The local weatherman is predicting about 2 feet of snow to be dumped on our area! Must you really?
I have a date Friday night and that is when you're supposed to start your PMS spazz attack, and because I don't care to drive when it's snowing, you're really putting a kink in my plans!
Can you change your plans for Saturday? Saturday works better for me.

---
Speaking of dates... I hate them. I'm going to tell you why...
First date? Almost always uncomfortable.
Dinner and movie dates out are lame.
I like to be comfortable in every sense of the way.
I want to skip all the junk and get right to the point.

Here's an example: Jennifer Marie, this is how you pronounce my last name. I have a brother, parents are divorced, mom is a little unstable, dad is a hard ass former marine. My Memere is my role model; I get my strong will and determinism from her. Boy Child is my everything and I talk about him a lot, and will continue to do so. I did this growing up, here are my mistakes and I can guarantee that many more mistakes will be made... and I welcome you to make mistakes too.

Only problem is, when you throw all that out there from day 1, it's unwanted information. This is me and this is what I have to offer. I don't want to give it my all to find out that you don't like random middle of the night trips to Walmart where my only purchase is a bag of Swedish Fish and a bottle of Snapple.

I'm domesticated: I cook, I clean (sometimes), I enjoy family activities, nights at home cooking together, parades, fairs, board games-- you know, things that don't involve bars and partying like its 1999.

Oh... and don't even get me started on those awkward silences. I like when you get past the point where silence is welcomed and no longer awkward.

I either love you with all that I have, or I don't.

no real direction

I'm a real fan of lists. I make them and will accomplish what is on them or... sometimes I won't even come close.
Other times I will make a list just to organize my thoughts, and because I need to slow down my racing mind at this very moment here's a list:

- I want to skip dating
- movie and dinner dates should be banned
- I wish more non-traditional dates were accepted
- feel free to send me non-traditional date ideas
- I think we would be better off apart- forever, even your friendship is becoming toxic
- less anxiety would be nice
- I want to go shopping again and not need a crutch (Boy Child, cell phone)
- I hate that I'm always looking for the nearest exit
- cookies! you've added 5 pounds to my thighs. Thanks. Not really.
- apparently junk food isn't bothering my stomach.
- motivation is missing in action. If you find it, send it home.
- I'm going on a date this weekend
- I really hate dating
- I think I need a separate blog post about dating

nice shoes

wanna…

We all know that line; the famous, cheesy and ever so corny pickup line.
We all know several tacky pickup lines. I’m sure some of you have heard them; quite possibly even been the victim.

Well, I don’t know about you but I LOVE pickup lines! The more off the wall they are the better.
A good pickup line to me is one that makes me roll my eyes because it is just THAT bizarre but then I can’t help but throw my head back with laughter.

I don’t think I have ever fallen victim to a pickup line but let me tell you this: the man of my dreams is going to make my knees buckle and my heart melt by feeding me one of the best of the worst pickup lines! I’m just waiting…

This morning I get a text from Ed, (Hi Ed, I know you’re reading!) saying he has the worst pick up line EVER! He claims he stopped reading his “article” to send me this text. Which means he stopped reading… ohh probably Maxim! (nothin’ but love!)

“Don’t fall in love with me, but it’s going to be impossible not to fall in love with you”

No way is that the worst. I LOVE it!

Here are a few more that I’m an absolute fan of!

There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling….
Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose. Take off your clothes.
Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you!
I’ll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.

Now you tell me, what are some of your favorite pickup lines? Are there any out there that make your stomach turn whenever you hear them? What about your friends?

I want to hear them! Go ahead…. SHARE!!!

sink or swim

I’m 29. I’m almost 20-10!
I have an 8 year old son.
Dating. It’s not easy. It’s hard. Ok, it fuckin’ sucks!
Add a child to the mix and it’s not easy, it’s hard and fuckin’ sucks X 10!!

I’m domesticated and I’m already settled down in the child department. I don’t go out and do the party thing. I rarely drink and I don’t smoke. I have a small group of friends but when it comes to social outings, we don’t have much in common. I like being home, doing home things.
Between my mom duties and school for both Boy Child and I, I’m really busy.
Would I want it any other way? NO!

Does it help with dating? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

When a guy asks, “what you did today?” and you tell him….” I packed Boy Child’s snack, filled out his book order, volunteered at the school for picture day, made dinner, did dishes, helped with homework, gave him a bath and had the normal night time routine.” you can already see him rolling his eyes.
Then there is the question I absolutely hate… I mean HATE! “What do you do for fun?” Well… I do all kinds of things that are fun and a huge majority of them involve my child.
Chances are this is going to bore a guy to death and be on his ‘the last thing I want to hear’ list.
Yet I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being a single mom is tough!
Am I exhausted? Sure.
Am I complaining? NO!

I don’t do week night dates, I can’t; I won’t. I don’t have a sitter. I won’t get a sitter. I don’t believe in it. That is one thing The Mailman and I did agree on.
Then the weekend comes and you’re thinking… “Now you’re alone! Use this time to get out there and date!”
Well my loves, wrong!
Whatever I didn’t get done during the week I need to do now! This is my time of quiet, peace, and solitude. Here is a chance to do homework without having to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This is my time to clean the house and pick up toys without turning around and seeing those same legos back on the floor… again!

I can date and juggle all of this. I have done it before and I would happily do it again but this brings me to the problem. A lot of guys are not ready for this. They want to be eased into this.
Do I blame them? NO!
Guys have said they can do this. They can adjust into the domesticated lifestyle.
Newsflash: there is no adjustment period.
It’s either sink or swim.

I hope you brought your life preserver. Ya know, just in case.

reason #309

why I dont need a man.

Headaches. Constant headaches.