8 years ago this week I had gastric bypass. A decision I have regretted about 90% of those 8 years.
My life has forever been changed. When I say forever, I truly mean forever.
My brain and my body image do not match. They never will.
Food is my enemy. I have nightmares about said enemy, where I will wake up in a cold sweat.
The days where I could eat a pizza, bag of chips AND guzzle a soda are forever gone.
Do I miss them? Hell yes!
There is nothing more convenient than popping open a soda, guzzling that shit down and calling it good.
But when I dig deeper into that question, no-- I do not miss it at all. Those things are what made me fat to begin with.
300 pounds fat.
My food choices still are not perfect, they never will be. Ya know, the whole enemy thing.
Once you have an eating disorder you'll always have an eating disorder!
But today something struck me while I was at the grocery store. A woman came up to me, a woman who herself has had gastric bypass, and she wanted to ask me a question about skin removal. (I had that done 6 years ago this week also)
She asked and I answered.
She then proceeded to tell me I was so beautiful, she just wanted to look like me.
Amazing.
I guess if anything, the past 8 years of crying, throwing up a million different kinds of foods, skipping on the red meat and soda, welcoming bipolar into my life, having friends not understand you, your surgery or your lifestyle just might have been worth it after all.
3 comments:
Wow...if it's who I think it is...then wow!
I truly wish I never made you upset or uncomfy or mad or sad about my questions or general "interest".
In these eight years I have battled with having a best friend that looked like me to one that I feel won't want me around because we don't look the same anymore. (I don't feel that way anymore btw)
I know that you regret most of what you have gone through but you are you and you are stronger because of it! I love you for what you have endured!
Woot Woot on 8 years!!!!
8 years is a very long time! Keep your head up! You are much stronger than you were eight years ago.
Oh my, I didn't know about this Jen... You've gone through alot and yet, you're so strong!!!!!!
Here's to your strengh - I so respect you once again:)
xoxo
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