a perfect day

has...
*sand between our toes
*cool ocean water, ok so maybe its more like, "damn that's cold!!"
*sand dollars and sea glass
*warm ocean breeze
*laughter
*the smell of sunscreen (mmm cocoa butter)
*no sunburns!


... a Boy Child covered in seaweed!

OOooo so scary!

... and a Momma that's feeling rejuvenated!

the power of words

Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me.
Today is a new day and I have hopes of treating it just like that, new. I'm also in hopes of those around me doing the same.
Often times those around me know just what to say when a day like that creeps upon me, and everything about it is perfect, it makes life seem a little more tolerable.
Then there are the times when they do not, and that's fine too. It's not something that everybody understands and I'm still learning to appreciate that.
I'm eternally grateful either way you look at it.
Then there are the words from the strangers, the strangers whom do not feel strange to you.
The same words your friends may have told you but this time something seems different; they're a little stronger, a little bolder and even a little more colorful.
Yesterday I received some of those words that made me turn my outlook around, just enough to feel stronger than I was feeling before.

...and to you, I thank you.

{photo ffffound }

I wish you would have taken the time

I wish you would have taken the time to know that sometimes I really don’t know.
I am my own worst enemy.
My thoughts and feelings often get in the way of each other, leaving me to feel like “I just don’t know.”

I am my own worst critic.
My skin isn’t right. I’m still not the perfect weight.
My thighs; oh my gawd- my thighs!!
My fingers are long; I don’t mind until someone takes notice then I become insecure.
My hair will never be how I want it; but that’s okay because that is one thing I can control when so many other things in my life are uncontrollable.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that some days it was and still is impossible to get out of my own way.
Get up, get moving, get going and motivate cannot be done in a motion as easy as 1, 2, 3.
That process, you see; he and I slow dance. Sometimes we don’t dance at all because I’m not a good dance partner. Other days, on rare occasion, I leave my dance partner behind because I’m doing the jitter bug so fast he cannot keep up.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I wanted to share this with you and maybe learn more together but you see; I couldn’t.
I was scared, I’m always scared. I thought you, of all people would have never judged but when I listened to your conversations, your words blew me away. I had no idea you were capable of such thoughts. So I retracted and kept quiet; I even distanced myself. I was afraid of what to say, how to say it or how to act while your thoughts and ideas were expressed vocally, often unkindly, around me and that “dancing partner” of mine.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I just wanted to feel safe and more often than not my hand in your hand made me feel that way. Sometimes I just needed a soft and simple touch from you for reassurance; that gentle touch to calm me and let me know “you were there.”

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I’m really sensitive; more sensitive and vulnerable than I’d ever care to admit and that hurts.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I only complained about music choices because I wanted to share something with you. I knew we could eventually compromise but I was often disappointed. Would one of my song choices per every ten of yours been that big of a deal? Again, I just wanted to share our interests and open one another’s minds.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that a particular chore was so dreadful and daunting because in all reality, I cared. You caring about yourself would give me a longer time to care about and for you. I didn’t want to see you dead in 5 years.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I do know you did the best you could, especially with what you had. It wasn’t what I wanted, it never is, but maybe it truly was all that you knew how to do or knew how to give. What is it with us always wanting more?

I wish you would have taken the time to know that when I picked out cards for you it would have taken me at least half an hour to find that perfect one and if I found more than one I’d buy it also because I knew you needed that one too; maybe not now, but soon.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I have a favorite number; its 3. I take the 3rd drink back, 3rd magazine in, the 3rd newspaper down, and let’s not forget the 3 stone ring.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I wanted you to do those little things, on your own, so I knew you cared; actions often speak louder than words.

I wish you would have taken the time to know you saying, “you’ve come this far” or “you can do it” always helped push me a little bit further.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I tried. Dammit! I fuckin’ tried!!

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I have a million more things to say.

I wish you would have taken the time to know that I just needed you there.

{ ffffound! }

a day without sunscreen

As I type, I'm sitting here in bed watching my son finally sleep. It really isn't a peaceful sleep, the sleep I know he needs and deserves, but this is going to have to get us by for now.

You see... two days ago he went to the beach with 'camp' and his peers, an outing that we all enjoy as children and adults.
I sent him to camp with the requested necessary items for that day; swim trunks, towel and sunscreen.
Later that evening after our normal, "how was your day" discussion, he says, "I think I'm sunburned".
When I had him take his shirt off, I never imagined I would see my child's skin so sunburned!
Boy Child has such fair skin; he's so porcelain and now he shared the same red tone as a cooked lobster.
I am always so cautious when it comes to his skin. I am constantly putting sunscreen on him and keeping track of the time to make sure I don't forget to reapply it.
One application at the start of the day is never enough!

I then questioned him about sunscreen and he says it was never put on him.
I'm so upset. He was in the care of adults all day, at camp, and sunscreen was never put on him.

Wednesday night was hell, a cool tub was torture for him, burn jel wasn't soothing enough and sleeping was damn near impossible for this kid.

Thursday morning when I brought him to camp I questioned them about the sunscreen. They apologized and said the kids all had sunscreen applied, he must have been missed.

MISSED!?!

He stayed at camp for the rest of the day, being cautious about being bumped, touched or having more sun exposure.

That night I get his tub ready because his skin is still fairly warm to the touch and I wanted to get the old layer of burn jel washed off so I could apply a new layer.
Trying to get his shirt off was almost impossible! It was stuck in some places and he was just plain uncomfortable.
Finally able to get it off, I notice some skin has come off with his shirt and he has a small blister.

Friggin' great!

Finish the tub ordeal, which completely and totally sucked!!!
I then manage to get him into something as soft as I could find; his fleece pajama bottoms and one of my t-shirts.

I call the Emergency Room about the sunburn, chills, shakes, nausea and now blister, to make sure I'm not missing anything. I'm told what I'm doing is right, keep doing it.
Get him into bed for another long night of tossing and turning and because he is so miserable I share my bed with him so I can be miserable too.

Today we wake up to find that small tiny blister has grown! It is now HUGE! and the other shoulder that seemed to have had no signs of blisters now has, well MANY!!

I panic and call the ER again, and I'm told, "if you're concerned you can bring him in".

Gee thanks Captain Obvious! You're a fuckin' pal!

I call the family physician, get an appointment for later in the day but until then keep him comfortable.

Ha! They're fuckin' kidding right?
I have a child who has Sensory Processing Disorder, a severe sunburn on his back and shoulders and is an 8 year old boy.
He sits in one position for any amount of time and that begins to hurt, when it comes time to move, that also hurts and then I have to help him move.
Keep him comfortable my ass!!

Appointment time comes and guess what!?!

There isn't a damn thing they can do for this kid!! Keep giving him ibuprofen, cool compresses (if he'll let you), aloe, and all the other fancy shit I've been doing? Keep doing it.

These blisters?

These blisters (which are all even bigger now) are perfectly normal.

Bullshit!

He was going to get a prescription for Silvadene, which works amazingly well on burns, but because Dr. Mom is allergic to Sulfer, Boy Child can't reap the benefits of this.
Ya know, because I have to apply the cream and then snuggle this child, because it seems that's all he wants to do!
So instead, when those nasty bastards pop, its good ol' fashion triple antibiotic ointment. (Pssst...that has sulfer in it too, just a smaller percentage)

Boy Child will go back on Monday for a follow up and will not be going to camp next week.

*Sunscreen. Know it and use it.
*I swear. A lot
*When I talk about this, in real, I'll swear a LOT more
*When your child asks for a pb&j at 9am, make it for him
*A popsicle at 11am? Get 2, one for him- one for you!
*Oh yea... and SUNSCREEN!!! Use it!

what to pick

...my weekend...

It started only a few months after the Blonde Bomber was purchased and has lasted for 6 years now; a serious love/hate relationship.

But now I'm afraid the Blonde Bomber's dying process has officially begun.
Its traumatizing.
I thought I was prepared. Ready.
Something.
But I'm not. Not yet anyways.
Mentally and most definitely not financially.

I thought a little 'housekeeping' would make the process a little less painful, maybe help lessen the load for when the dark hour does strike.

The (few) things I found!

• neosporin
• pink glitter band aids
• splenda
• Boy Child's prescription glasses (from Kindergarten)
• my broken sunglasses (yes, I know-- broken)
• screwdriver
• box cutter
• scissors
• nail polish
• empty purse
• hoodie
• flip flops
• AA batteries
• cell phone charger from who knows how many cell phones ago
• dried out baby wipes
• all the insurance cards I've ever had while owning the car (at least 12)
• all the registration forms (6)
• old mail
• stamps
• pay stubs
• sharpies
• birthday card from Dad (2 years ago)
• towels
• backpack with "keep Boy Child busy" items
  (finally found his baseball glove!!)
• legos! lots of legos!!
• air mattress pump (from last summers camping)
• tooth paste
• floss (there are times when you just have to floss your teeth)

...like today, at the red light; me flossing my teeth in the Blonde Bomber was way better than looking at you picking your nose in your Mercedes.

What crazy things do you keep or have you found in your car?