Last week I subbed four out of the five days and because of that do I ever have stories!
I can't go into great depth and detail, but you'll get the gist of it.
Tuesday I had a boy stab another boy with a pencil. When I confronted the stabber he cried. I mean he CRIED huge tears. I asked him why he did it. His answer, "because he did it to me!"
So, I was forced to ask him when that stabbing occurred. He then proceeded to tell me... "a couple months ago".
Tuesday's group of second graders was rough. I raised my voice a lot! So much that when they came in to my Thursday music class I got a lot of hugs and they completely cooperated with me. And I walked away Tuesday thinking they were all the Devil's children. (No really, it was THAT bad)
Wednesday's group of middle school kids was really uneventful. It was St. Patrick's Day so everybody was wearing green, seriously. I don't think I have seen so many shades of green in my life. I can't wait for more holidays so I have an excuse to dress tacky and wear crazy jewelry!
Thursday was music. Oh what can I say about music?! I have subbed for music so many times that when I was asked to sub again on Friday, I turned it down. I told myself when this gig started, DO NOT TURN DOWN JOBS!
Overall it was a great day but sometimes I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing and that is a really crappy feeling.
I want to walk into a classroom, look at a lesson plan, have it all click and then BOOM! I want to teach it. Not have the kids scream and tell you what to do, because they DO and they do it a lot.
I want to feel like I have control over my classrooms; often times I don't. I want to walk out of there at the end of the day knowing I did the best I can. Yes, I will always second guess myself and know that next time I could have done it better if given the chance.
Everyday I step into a classroom or group setting I see growth and progress within myself but not to the depth I'm looking for RIGHT NOW!
I'd love to have the confidence I see some of these subs have or better yet, those teachers.
If only there was a course on this.
2 comments:
kids are HARD to deal with. i think the reason they scare us so much - is because they're so honest. adults (most of them) have tact, a nicer way of saying things. with kids - you never know when they're going to say & i think that unpredictability is scary in itself. much less walking into an entire classroom of unpredictable kids. hang in there - you will get the hang of it & have control of the classroom in no time!
Subbing is one roller coaster ride! I was stuck in a rut of Spanish gigs and was tempted to take myself off for that subject.
I've been subbing for over a year and no matter how much experience I have, it never feels exactly easy.
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