Internet: meet my boyfriend

(not my boyfriend)

Dearest Rzr,

I'm sorry it is ending this way, but it's time. Again, you have left me disappointed. But don't fear, it's not just you, the Razr before, and even the two prior, were not able to hold their side of my contract either.

We did have some good times together. We shared many conversations, some pleasant, some-- not so much. A few intimate ones were snuck in a few times here and there. Maybe.

You allowed me to accept calls from individuals that were very important to me and my family. You also allowed me to send countless text messages. I sent so many text messages with one of your buddies that I literally wore him out. He could no longer function! Ohhh, the abuse! And let's not even talk about batteries! Those poor souls; may they rest in peace.

I used you to take pictures of Boy Child at random moments, I also used you to take random pictures at perfect moments. Remember this?


I violated you, I molested you a few times here and there.

I'm sorry for the time that Boy Child drowned you because I left you unattended in the bathroom; he really was just being a boy after all. Even if it did bring me to tears and caused slight devastation.

There might have been a few times I dropped you on the garage floor, but don't forget a "Shit!" "Dammit!" or the best one... "Fuck!" would always follow.
I truly felt guilty for letting you out of my grip.

But please remember the time when you went psycho on me and would instantly call The Mailman once your royal shininess was opened. Who randomly calls their Ex like that? Seriously?

Don't forget the time when I set your alarm and you failed to wake me up. I appreciate the extra sleep but not being late is vital! Don't forget the random dialing AGAIN, but this time, when I would receive a call.

I was nice to you. I touched you several times throughout the day. I whispered sweet nothings to you, a lot. I did my best to keep you clean. Sorry about the makeup; I am a girl after all. Oh, and the hairspray; that shit is hard to clean off!

I'm sorry if the random psycho occasionally made his way through. Really! They always look nice on the outside.

Dammit Rzr! I even let you into my life by letting you capture priceless moments. Remember these?

My knee after that grueling surgery

Making cookies in a glass bowl= broken mixer

Boy Child sleeping in my bed. How could you not love this?

The marshmallow that could be mistaken for a... yea umm a dildo maybe?

Boy Child and I unintentionally wore matching shorts

The spider that visited me while I took a shower!

So Rzr, this is the end. I've been with you and 3 others in the short time frame of one year and four months. Way to disappoint a girl! Our relationship is over!

But have no fear, I was smart and found myself a replacement because a girl must not go without. Oh no!

So with that being said... I'd like you to meet

(this is my boyfriend)

Isn't he sexy? He's no iphone, but I ♥ him!

I just adopted him yesterday so I haven't completely figured out what makes him "tick" just yet, but I'm getting there. I do know he's complicated in nature, like me, so it will take some time for us to work together as a team. I see a lot of potential in him. Plus he's hot!

I haven't named him yet, but I will. Any kick ass ideas out there for me?

Maybe that's why Rzr and I never worked out, he was never given a true chance to shine underneath all the makeup and hairspray!