I give thanks

I’m not going home to visit my family this year, instead I’m spending it with my other family; my friends.
* I’m forever grateful for their friendship and their love.
* Boy Child is going to spend this holiday with his father and his family; this is a holiday we alternate. I’m thankful they are part of his life.
* The past month or so, my greatest guy friend has been super! I do not know what I would have done without him. I’m forever in debt to him.
* I baked my first cheesecake ever, it cracked but I tried and I’m not giving up.
* I’m thankful for my determination.
* My bestest girly friend: I’m thankful she’s home.
* I’m so thankful we adopted Baxter to add a little more craziness to our home.
* My mom and I getting along these past few months has been a nice change of pace. Her helping with the new car process has been a blessing also.
* Boy Child making an “I’m thankful for my Mom and Baxter” place mat at school.
* My electric toothbrush makes dentist visits much better. I love the dentist!
* School. I’m so close to getting to the end and it will be so worth it!
* I’m thankful that I passed my last science exam. It was a close call and damn scary towards the end.
* I’m thankful for Boy Child’s progress. He has come so far and has even surpassed expectations.
* I’ve been given a new medication and I cannot even begin to describe what it has done; I no longer sleep all day and my mood, wow! my mood has improved so much.
* My blog readers are amazing. I don’t have many but your comments are amazing, and even those that don’t comment your silence is okay too. I know you’re reading.
* I’ve been able to get sound sleep lately and that is definitely something to be thankful for!
* A little while back Boy Child and I spent a weekend with my Dad and his girlfriend of 11 years, and had a great time. It’s nice when we have quality time visits.
* I’m thankful that both my parents haven’t remarried just for the sake of remarrying to have a title and they know at the end of the day their love is all that matters.
* I’m thankful my mom has an understanding boyfriend; if it wasn’t for him she would not be here to celebrate birthdays and holidays.
* I’m thankful both my grandmothers are with us today.
* I’m thankful my Memere remarried and has showed us grandkids and the great-grandkids what love looks like; it’s a beautiful thing. Al is an amazing man and he’s blessed our family with something special.
…and most importantly I’m just thankful.

kinda low

I have a few things I expect Boy Child to do around the house to help out, they’re not hard or all that demanding, but they are important.
One of the most important would be feeding Baxter. Baby kitty is 4 months old now and food is rather important for this growing creature. With the feeding responsibility also comes the, “Mom, Baxter is running low on food” responsibility.

This weekend we were at a pet store and I thought to ask about the pet food status and Boy Child mentions, “he’s kinda low”. I took that as; we have enough to last the weekend. I was not paying close to $20 for a bag of Science Diet there when I pay about $10 at the Vet’s office.

Sooo… we get home and I peak into the bag and… what do you know but he has barely… I mean barely a scoop of food left! I guess that did fit the “he’s kinda low” criteria.

Dammit! The Vet’s office is closed, tomorrow is Sunday, and well, $20 is ridiculous! I love that little fur ball and all, but come on!

Sunday morning comes and I whip Baxter up some breakfast. Yes, I stood in my kitchen and cooked my cat breakfast. Scrambled eggs!

Don’t judge.

While standing at the stove, I started to realize, I’m turning into my mother. She makes dinner for herself and then makes up a plate of food for her pets. This cannot be happening!

After I made Boy Child his breakfast, Baxter even enjoyed himself a few pieces of bacon.

This stops RIGHT. NOW!

Half a bag will now officially mean “kinda low”.

peas and carrots

Yes! That's right, she's moving home. I am so excited! Things just haven't been the same without her. I mean everything in my life has just been weird with her gone and not just her, even her boys.

She told me last week she was coming home and I was excited then, but it really did not hit me till this morning when I realized she'll be back in Maine... TOMORROW!
I still can't believe it actually.

I'm sad for her because the life that she wanted and had hoped for didn't work out, but sometimes, if it's not meant to be... well, you know the saying.
Her family is here, her friends are here; her support. Her 'man' is staying behind to finish his schooling, which is great. I never that I would see that guy open a book in my lifetime.
Kudos to him.

Shortly after I shared my excitement with twitter and the world, another friend of mine shared his thoughts...






Could that really be true? I've had some sort of 'sickness' since she's been gone. Either this new thing I've been experiencing or I was facing that deep depression and sleeping ALL day; literally it was all day.
Weird.

Either way... she's coming home!
The dynamic duo is back at it again!

words for the soul

I recently heard a song that could not have come at a better time for me.

'Your Ex-Lover Is Dead' by Stars

I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news
From the house down the road from real love
Live through this and you won't look back
There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save


I needed these words.

I wanna be sedated

This whole sickness crap has had a few advantages.

Let me tell you about one: me on drugs, specifically me being sedated.

Oh how I love the 'I don't care drug' they give you before sedation.

(See! I can't even remember the name of it!)

Yes, I know how bizarre this sounds but the whole out of body experience is like no other.

I had to have a procedure done last week and once I was all prepped and ready to go, I was given this drug... started to be wheeled into the operating room and what do you know! the first words out of my mouth....

"Oh... you're all guys!"

I had one female nurse, which apparently meant nothing to me, I was paying more attention to the men in the OR with me.

Then I hear... "Jennifer, we need you to get up on the table."

Me: Ohh! Absolutely!!

There's a reason why you can't get this stuff on the streets. I'd be walking around in a stupor. all.the.time!

10 pounds

...is what I've lost in about 3 weeks since this whole ordeal started. Yes, I'm super freakin' happy to see my jeans finally loose and my scale show numbers I haven't seen for about 8 months now.

Hello emotional eating!

But ya see, I'm kinda sorta hungry and I don't consider jello food anymore.

it's incredible

I started to forget what your voice sounded like.
I forgot what your hands felt like when they caressed my skin.
I forgot how you smelled after a shower, that smell I often found myself missing when you first left.
The memory of your smile and glimmer in your eyes even disappeared from my mind.

Then suddenly, the reasons why we didn’t make it began to slip my mind and powerful thoughts of you came back.
I started yearning for your voice. I craved that touch on my skin. I had a need to see you smile and be the person that had helped make you smile.

Before I knew it, I had your voice back softly whispering to me while you caressed my skin.
I really forgot how much I missed you until I had this again.

Then I was brought back into reality, like a hard, fast punch to the gut.
There was a reason why I started to forget. It was because I needed to.

We just cannot dance to the same song in this thing we call life.

I was moving on; slowly but I was going to get there. Not just because I needed to, but because I wanted to and I had just sabotaged myself.

Something different is happening now.
I have a yearning and craving for something else.

It’s not your voice, your touch or even your smile, because that’s gone.

It’s something bigger.

I want to hear my own voice.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I want to see my own smile.

I now have an incredible need for it.

Sundays

It's Sunday and I have so many things to be thankful for!

Now, I especially love this day because Boy Child comes home from his father's. I don't care for the whole getting him back on routine thing but we're adjusting better. I mean, he has been doing this for almost 7 years now.

My house doesn't have ramen noodles, soda, Chef Boyardee or what I call... 'shit in can' and ummm...oh yea, cigarette smoke!

BUT... I am thankful Boy Child has a father who loves him and is doing the best that he can.

***
Dear Sunday nights at 5pm,

I love you. You make my weekend complete.

Love,
The Crazy Neurotic Mom

100 thanks

A friend recently posted something on Facebook about everyday posting something you are thankful for. Due to recent events, this shined a little light on me.
Ya know… recent events like being able to only eat jello and drink water. Having a few too many hospital visits and tests to be told in so many words, “we don’t know”.

My internet loves, I’m craving junior bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy’s and potato wedges with gravy from KFC.

HUNGRY!

During all of these crazy moments I have had the support from (some of) the greatest friends. I would probably still be in the fetal position crying with no pain relief in site. I wouldn't have new food, well Italian ice and sherbet added to my diet to help satisfy my taste buds a little more. I wouldn’t have silent support from another state; silent support that is bugging out because she can’t be closer.

I’m going to do my best for the rest of my month to blog about what I’m thankful for, even the little things; like I’m thankful for jello even though I don’t like it, but its helping keep me hydrated.

I’m thankful that I’ve had 99 posts and some great readers that have helped keep me a little bit saner.

What are you thankful for?