Saturday, January 16, 2010

breathe dammit

Last week I hit a wall and I hit it hard!
Things all around me were going so well and then it literally felt like I walked into a brick wall; nose first. I couldn't move in any direction without a push or a shove of some kind and point blank, it sucked!
It sucked HARD!

My friends have some (exciting and not so exciting) things going on in their life and I couldn't express any feelings for them and it wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because I couldn't.
I'm dating this awesome guy and I couldn't even begin to share my excitement about that because my emotions were numb.
You know that pins and needles feeling you get when your hands and feet go 'to sleep'? I wasn't even at that stage yet, I was at the stage where your hands and feet feel like they're ten times their size and then the pins and needles feeling comes on!

I just want to feel.
I just want to smell.
I just want to breathe.

It sounds simple but when these things happen, those tasks are so hard. Almost impossible.

Today the tips of my fingers have feeling again and I'm getting there. Slowly.

It needs to happen faster though because this shit is exhausting!

3 comments:

jenn said...

hang in there - can't even imagine what that must feel like, but just like all of the other times - you'll get through it better than ever! :)

Mr O said...

you just tell me where this wall is at and I will bring a wrecking ball and we will take care of it!

Seriously, I hope things get better and look forward to updates

Maryx said...

I know the feeling. Sort of.

Take Care sweetie. You know as well as we do that you're stronger than anything thrown your way!