my phone rang

Ultimate goal: my own classroom.
Yes, that's right; I want to be a teacher.

Until then, I have applied at the local school district to be a substitute teacher.
So not only will I be doing the Mom thing and working on my bachelor's, I'm going to be a sub.

Back in December I filled out all the necessary paperwork, applications, background check and completed the necessary fingerprinting process.
As soon as I completed that, I was put on the 'sub list'! Oh happy day!
I had all this completed in time for winter break in hopes to be kept busy in between semesters, except my phone never rang.

Friday I made a few changes that may have affected my name being on the sub list, like dropping off my completed transcripts; proving I completed my degree! Accepted a few additional schools, so rather than being available to only 2, I'm available to 8!

I left the superintendent's office Friday and within ten minutes, my phone rang!
No joke!

I have my first assignment. I'm going to be in a language arts class with grades 6, 7 AND 8!

I'm so flippin' excited but... I'd also be lying if I didn't say that I'm also a lot little nervous.
I remember what it was like to have a substitute teacher in class. We were mean. Kids are mean. 6, 7, and 8th graders are evil! They're not your teacher so they "don't have to listen", but I'm going to go in there with an open mind and a heart that's temperature is yet to be determined.

Please... send me lots of luck! Oh, and any hints or helpful suggestions would totally and completely rock my world!

screaming like a girl

Holy smokes Batman! I don’t remember the last time I screamed like I did today. Like seriously SCREEEEAMED and danced around in my living room all while my poor child was looking at me like, Woah! what is wrong with this woman!?
I blame the happy pills.

Remember the whole, finishing the semester, associates degree thing? Well, the intention was to finish the associate’s degree program in December, start the bachelor’s (which I did) and graduate in May; that whole march across stage and get my diploma thing.

Today I came home and saw this huge yellow envelope on my porch… I said to myself, out loud (I do this often) “what the hell is that?”
I get inside and rip that sucker open and low and behold…

…there it is, all nice and crisp- shiny, new; it even smells SMART!

Well, hot damn! Whaddayaknow! 
It may have taken me 5 years, but it was worth every damn tear, migraine, ounce of frustration and irritation just to hold that bad boy in my  hands!  

Step one is completed… now on to step 2!

Baxter

I haven’t given an update on Baxter, well since we brought him home from the Shelter.
He is crazy!
I have never seen an animal like him. Boy Child and Baxter play chase, ya know- something like a boy and a DOG would do, only- well Baxter is a cat. I have video!

Last night The Boyfriend (he really needs a new ‘name’) was over and the two of them were terrorizing each other, something very common, but it’s given with extreme love and affection.
Of course.
So in the middle of all that I was able to capture this!

  
How freakin’ cute!

The cat has been an awesome addition to our family though. He is just as quirky and neurotic as we are.
I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Well other than a few less knocked over plants, less things BROKEN, less biting and definitely less scratching but HEY, you can’t have it all.

mission accomplished

Yesterday I accomplished what I thoughts was going to the impossible.

Cleaning Boy Child’s bedroom.

It was literally a disaster; Hurricane Boy Child swept through there like there was no tomorrow. Fierce.


I had to take pictures because if you didn’t see it, you wouldn’t believe it; even Baxter is disgusted.

The accomplished mission took me about 2 hours and much assistance from the Boy. I am so proud of him! He did an excellent job picking and choosing the toys he wanted to keep and which ones he didn’t. Two bags of trash and one bag of items to Goodwill later… Tada!!

Now if only we can keep Hurricane Boy Child at bay for a little while.

look at it shine

I love new things; especially gadgets like electronics and LAPTOPS!!

Aww yea, that's right! I have a new laptop. My old one sounded like a plane taking off. It was cracked in places that I never knew existed and it had been dropped and banged more than twice. Maybe even ten times.
So because my school life depends on technology, a certain someone was incredibly gracious enough to assist me with the purchase of my new beast.

To say the least, The Date has progressed above and beyond that 'title', I just kinda sorta failed to mention it ;-)

speak up

The other day a commercial sparked a random thought in Boy Child's mind and then the conversation went something like this:

Boy Child: I wish I had a hearing aid so I could turn it all the way down
Me: (laughing) Why?
Boy Child: Because some people just annoy me!

Apparently he isn't aware of the selective hearing ability he already has!

I broke a rule

The Date says to me, I'm surprised you haven't sworn off men by now.

That was after I broke a rule. One of those rules in dating where you're not supposed to talk about your previous relationships. Let's be honest here, how can you not?
Those adventures molded me and will continue to. They taught me to love deeper, speak more and share my passions.

I haven't sworn off men because I was hopeful that someday I'd be able to speak more, share my passions and love deeper with someone. I'm glad I held on to that hope.

chicken again?

Is a common question that Boy Child will ask.

I'm bored and food bores me. I've run out of ideas and options.
I just don't know what to cook anymore!

The vegetarian thing went out the window, but we still don't eat a lot of red meat. You definitely won't see us sitting down to a huge steak anytime soon ever.

I'm tired of plain chicken and pasta because it seems every time I turn around that's what I'm cooking.

I'd much rather bake.
The recipes are better, easier and really, let's be honest; they taste better too.

So my dear friends, here's where you come in. Please, please, please... email me some recipes. They can still be chicken and pasta, but with a twist! Something new and fresh!

...because I'm about to start eating cookies and cake for dinner!

enough already

I have to be super careful with my words, my thoughts and feelings in this post because they're really intense. At least to me, they're intense.

She's pregnant and the entire time we've listened to her moan and groan about how miserable she is, especially on Facebook. The weight gain is bothering her girlish figure. Her back hurts when she sits and she's really only comfortable when she stands but who wants to be standing all day? The countdown for this baby's arrival has started since conception, making for the longest (second) pregnancy known to human kind.

Yes, I complained when I was pregnant and I complained quite a bit, but if I could do it all over again I would; in a second. I miss the feeling of knowing he was safe. I miss having him all to myself. I didn't have to share those small flips and flutters with anybody, unless I wanted to of course. Everything was so magical! I was growing a human being, a beautiful human being that would become the light of my life and I only had 9 months to truly cherish that process.

You see, there are woman and couples in this world that sadly do not have that opportunity. They are robbed of that ability to enjoy what others of us get; that true magical experience.
There are others that experience that magic only to be robbed of the life afterwords. I don't know how else to put that into words, it's a sad experience and it happens everyday.

If I could do it over again, I would.

Along with her, I'm counting down the days for this baby to arrive, only so others don't have to be reminded of the magic they are robbed of.
Daily.

nothing.

The Date got out of work at 6am and was at my house by 7am and we did exactly what I needed in order to recharge.

Nothing.

We spent the day lounging around, talking, and sleeping. I had a complete day of no worries.

None.

It was absolutely amazing!

breathe dammit

Last week I hit a wall and I hit it hard!
Things all around me were going so well and then it literally felt like I walked into a brick wall; nose first. I couldn't move in any direction without a push or a shove of some kind and point blank, it sucked!
It sucked HARD!

My friends have some (exciting and not so exciting) things going on in their life and I couldn't express any feelings for them and it wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because I couldn't.
I'm dating this awesome guy and I couldn't even begin to share my excitement about that because my emotions were numb.
You know that pins and needles feeling you get when your hands and feet go 'to sleep'? I wasn't even at that stage yet, I was at the stage where your hands and feet feel like they're ten times their size and then the pins and needles feeling comes on!

I just want to feel.
I just want to smell.
I just want to breathe.

It sounds simple but when these things happen, those tasks are so hard. Almost impossible.

Today the tips of my fingers have feeling again and I'm getting there. Slowly.

It needs to happen faster though because this shit is exhausting!

kind and gentle

I want to thank everyone who offered their gentle words of kindness and support.
I cannot even begin to explain the amount of appreciation I have!

It still amazes me the friendships and bonds that can form through the internet. It really is something fierce and powerful.

Thank you.

it's hell

Like every other person, some days are better than others, but my bad days are bad and my good days are good. Rarely, does there seem to be a happy medium.

I have bipolar and I live in my own personal hell.

There is a large stigma attached to bipolar disorder and few people really know what it is or what it is about.
Most people tip toe around those of us with this disorder because they think we’re “crazy”.

I encourage you to read up on this yourself because you might make a difference in someone else’s life. I suffered for many years alone, before I received any help or casually mentioned it to any of those closest to me; I still have a hard time talking about this, it’s crippling.

Bipolar is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

I suffer extreme mood changes. I can be incredibly happy and excited about something and mere moments later I am going bat shit crazy about something that has pissed me off. Yesterday.

My energy levels change like the second hand on a clock. Day-to-day tasks are sometimes impossible… come by my house sometime unexpectedly; you’ll see.

Relationships have ended because people cannot handle bipolar. It’s exhausting. I cannot even handle my own illness. On a day that I am feeling particularly low, I’ll be asked, “what’s wrong?” When I answer with, “I don’t know” or “nothing” more often than not it’s because I don’t know or nothing is wrong. I cannot explain or describe what my brain is or is not doing. These rapid cycles put me through hell! When my energy levels are low, there is nothing in this world you can do to pull me out of it; or rather I have yet to find something that pulls me out of it. Then the days when my energy levels are high, I cannot even keep up with myself- never mind expecting those around me to keep up. I am non-stop from start to finish.

Bipolar cannot be cured but it CAN be treated. I take a handful of medicines twice a day, a pretty colorful cocktail of medicines, and life is looking better but I still have days. We ALL have days.

I work with a psychologist, nurse, and a therapist and I’m seeking a second opinion from another psychologist and his team.

I just want to feel better.

I want to function like a person and not someone trapped in a body. I feel like a matryoshka doll. I’ve released the 150 pound layer now I need to escape this hell layer!

There are days when I am severely depressed and sleep.all.the.time.

I have other days when I feel like I could function without sleep; the days when life is looking great and I could conquer the world!

I really could explain all the signs and symptoms of bipolar that I have, but I am so text book you would be bored. People all around us battle this daily, some know and many of those don’t.

When all is said and done, on my worst day I don’t need two handfuls of drugs, what I really need is a hug.

hypocrite

I don't care to date guys with children.
Dating is complicated enough but once you add a child to the mix things become more complex.
Add another two or three and it's an impossible feat.

I think guys who won't date single moms are judgmental and shallow. If anything, becoming a parent has made me a better person. I am more understanding, patient, appreciative, open-minded, grounded, etc.

This new situation only Boy Child is involved. I can tell you that there is now a little less stress.
Why? ... well The Date has asked what works best for us. He didn't avoid the subject-- he approached it head on. The subject being the most important aspect of my life: Boy Child.

I have always tried to put off the introduction, but through the years I have learned there is no time that is the best.
And as for the introduction? There really is no proper method for that either.

What I have learned, is to be open and honest. Boy Child and I have that kind of relationship and I will not put that in jeopardy. Ever.
It will start as an introduction based on friendship.
I am allowed to have male friends just like he has female friends at school. When things progress, the introductions and invitations to events with us increase.

I don't know of any other way.

change of plans

Happy 2010!

I hope everyone celebrated the New Year properly and did it safely!

dating update:
Mother Nature is still having her PMS spazz attack but we didn't let that stop us. Instead we changed the plans a little bit and had our date at my house.
WAY better.
I was relaxed and comfortable in more ways than one; even he said he liked the idea of staying in.
I'll leave the (not so) boring details out but the date was a success and future dates have already been discussed!
Like... hockey games in the near future. I LOVE hockey games!!

I hope he's prepared for this.

p.s. The guy can cook! Yes, that's right! He cooked us dinner, in MY kitchen!